I need to practice for drama, and what better way of practicing than typing it down! But I also need to... not work. And what better way of not working than getting online and acting like I'm working! So here is my monologue.
I heard what Vicky said, but I didn't think she meant it. All kids say things like that sometimes, I've said them myself; 'I'd rather die than take that history test' or 'If I have to babysit my stupid little brother one more time, I'll kill myself.' But even though I sometimes say things like that, I don't really mean them. Not literally. I might complain about baby sitting my brother, but I'd never do anything drastic. I certainly would never commit suicide.
Vicky did. When she said her life was so gross it wasn't worth living, she really meant it. I wonder if things would have turned out differently had I taken her seriously. I wonder how many other people heard her say her life wasn't worth living, and assumed, like I did, that she was only exaggerating.
How do you tell when somebody's just mouthing off, or when they're really depressed? When I said if I have to babysit one more time I'd kill myself, I was just complaining. Just mouthing off so my parents would feel guilty and pay me, instead of always expecting me to babysit for free. But when Vicky said her life was so gross she was going to kill herself, she was telling it straight.
I'd give anything in the world if I could go back and have that conversation with her again. Why didn't I ask her what it was about her life that made it so gross? Maybe she had a problem I could have helped with, had I known what it was. Why didn't I tell her I liked her alot and wanted to be her friend? Why didn't I at least check to see if she was kidding or not? If I had known she wasn't, I could have told my mom, or one of the teachers, or someone else who could have been able to help.
Intead, when Vicky said she was going to kill herself, I didn't believe her. Rather than recognising her cry for help and reaching out to her, I said, 'Yeah, I know what you mean. My life's gross too,' Some answer. A fat lot of help I am.
They found her body the next morning. When the principal announced her death, I got sick to my stomache and had to go home.
If only I had listened - really listened - to Vicky. If only I had cared enough to be sure whether she was serious or not. Think of the difference I might have made!
Vicky would probably have gone on to college. She got good grades, people liked her. She could have become a teacher, or an architect, or a lawyer! Maybe she would have written beautiful poetry, or invented a fun new game. We'll never know what special talents got buried with Vicky.
The worst part of all is knowing that if Vicky had only waited and sought help, her life would not have looked so bleak. She could have been happy.
I'll never again make a joke about killing myself. No matter how often I have to babysit my brother for free. That kind of joke just isn't funny anymore.
I listen differently now, too. I try to hear what my friends are saying, and if I'm not sure I understand, I ask questions.
I'll never get another chance with Vicky, no matter how much I wih I could go back and have that conversation with her again, it isn't possible. All I can do is remember her and be sure that any other Vicky in the world gets help.
Why am I telling you all this? So that when your friends talk to you, you'll pay attention. Don't make the mistake I did.
Listen.
GASPLEY!!!!
Wait, did I just say 'gaspley'? What does that mean? Oh well...
GASPLEY!!!! I did it! I haveth it memorized!
BrezzasWind Community Member 
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