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Even though you’re in a lot of pain right now, give yourself some distance between thoughts and action. Make a promise to yourself: "I will wait 24 hours and won't do anything drastic during that time." Or, wait a week.
Thoughts and actions are two different things—your suicidal thoughts do not have to become a reality. There’s is no deadline, no one pushing you to act on these thoughts immediately. Wait. Wait and put some distance between your suicidal thoughts and suicidal action.
This is very true advice, even if holding onto it for that 24 hours can be difficult. I'm researching bipolar disorder, looking through to see if there's way to help myself. I don't want to be psychotic all the time, I would love to be a functioning member of society. So now I take the time, look, see what I'm doing wrong. A support group seems too scary and I fear not being able to reach out in my time of need, I just need friends, which I'm slowly working on. They may just be associates from work but they still help. I think I'm just stressed because my birthday is coming, just too much paranoia.
Sexy no jitsu · Thu May 26, 2011 @ 04:43am · 0 Comments |
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I really just don't see how he's an idiot and an a*****e. I really don't, he can be a jerk, he can be an idiot but I'm the same way. I'm a selfish b***h. Zach is just the way he is, he treats me nicely, there's never any harm. He's like one of the few people that keeps me moving in the morning. The same way Shane is. I just keep moving along and doing what I need to. I've made sure to go out, see more people, try to be more active. I stopped taking one of my medications and I get anxious still, just I'm not hating life anymore. Welbutrin was just a bad idea, I feel more stabilized just as I am.
I want to take up belly dancing, I tried it at open stage and it seemed fun. I'm surprised at how tiring it is, my thigh and hips were starting to hurt from the movement.
Sexy no jitsu · Wed May 04, 2011 @ 02:10am · 0 Comments |
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There's just so much. I stopped taking my antidepressants, it surprisingly seemed to help unless I'm going into hypomania. My emotions are turbulent but I'm gaining some sort of control, I'm telling myself to stop being so god damn emo, to sing a happy song, or maybe even dance around a bit, work or not.
I've been on a path of self discovery, I feel like I have no identity of my own so I'm going out, doing more, hoping to make new friends along the way. Coming home to sit on the computer every day is just draining, if people aren't on then I just mindlessly surf 4chan. I need to lay off the 4chan unless it's for inspiration.
Speaking of that, I've been trying to work with that as well. I bought new fabric to use for a skirt I hope to make. The idea is together in my head but the results so far are less than desired. I will create this skirt, I will create in general. The creativity is there, the only thing stopping me is a source idea. The feeling alone brings out anxiety and frustration that I can't seem to quell.
Living on my own like this feels so wrong, hence the pushing for being more social. A piece of the back of my mind fears that something might happen that happened with Matt, I don't want something like that again, it was just too weird.
Voicing any of this just seems impossible, I lose the nerve to even tell people about how I feel anymore, I just want to be okay with everything. I applied to the nearby college, I messed something up in the application so now I'm waiting for their reply.
Sexy no jitsu · Sun May 01, 2011 @ 06:54am · 0 Comments |
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http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/see_saw/fake_wings.html Rosiel
Shine, bright morning light now in the air the spring is coming sweet blowing wind singing down the hills and valleys keep your eyes on my now we're on the edge of hell dear my love, sweet morning light Wait for me, you've gone much further, too far.
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/see_saw/#share
Sexy no jitsu · Sun Feb 13, 2011 @ 03:52am · 0 Comments |
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She spins and twirls as the howls scream the sound enveloping the senes as it dances long hair tossed up in the air, floating the childlike movements taking everything sweet laughter calling out to the heart bearing the news that one my hear
they're back, they're back! The loved once love now returns! The glee the reality of it all people believe people deny as people people we are
Sexy no jitsu · Mon Jan 24, 2011 @ 07:36am · 0 Comments |
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MysticRubyMoon (5:48:32 AM): Just really tired, going to sleep as long s possivle MysticRubyMoon (5:48:53 AM): I mifhr have taken two geodon with hiw tored I am
Sexy no jitsu · Thu Jun 03, 2010 @ 03:15am · 0 Comments |
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Scream by Avenged Sevenfold Velia x Lucifer
Caught up in this madness too blind to see Woke animal feelings in me Took over my sense and I lost control I'll taste your blood tonight
You know I make you wanna scream You know I make you wanna run from me baby but now it's too late you've wasted all your time
Relax while you're closing your eyes to me So warm as I'm setting you free With your arms by your side there's no struggling Pleasure's all mine this time
You know I make you wanna scream You know I make you wanna run from me baby but now it's too late you've wasted all your time
Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring Cover me, unwanted clemency Scream till there's silence Scream while there's life left, vanishing Scream from the pleasure unmask your desire perishing
We've all had a time where we've lost control We've all had our time to grow I'm hoping I'm wrong but I know I'm right I'll hunt again one night
You know I make you wanna scream You know I make you wanna run from me baby but now it's too late you've wasted all your time
Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring Cover me, unwanted clemency Scream till there's silence Scream while there's life left, vanishing Scream from the pleasure unmask your desire perishing
Some live repressing their instinctive feelings Protest the way we're built don't point the blame on me
Scream, Scream, Scream the way you would if I ravaged your body Scream, Scream, Scream the way you would if I ravaged your mind
Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring Cover me, unwanted clemency Scream till there's silence Scream while there's life left, vanishing Scream from the pleasure unmask your desire perishing
Sexy no jitsu · Thu May 27, 2010 @ 11:04pm · 0 Comments |
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