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Love?
heart So this is what I've been looking for or at least something that's sparked into my life after years. A feeling so powerful, so relieving to have it's actually confusing how to handle.
So the story goes like this...
I started having an interest in online dating/mobile dating apps a few years back and had been giving it a go off and on with some luck with having flings or simply reliefs from sexual frustration although the goal has always been for a real relationship and 'true love.' And so, this is the way the saga had went on about for a long time.
A little more than 3 to 4 weeks ago all of this changed and my world as I new it would be changing before I even realize it. I had met a girl, two years younger, and what can I say... simply amazing. Now, understand I am usually the most awkward and nervous when finally meeting someone in person for the first time (especially so when the premise is that it's a date), however, this was far from true with her. I cannot explain this very well other than I didn't care to attempt and explain lest I enjoy each moment and this was even easy because time always seems to slow down when I am with her. The crazy thing, is these feelings are even mutual; the best way I've been able to describe it has been the wavelength we share is so in synch she might as well be some identical twin from some other parallel universe or if I'm using this type of analogy... in some other parallel universe we had already lived our entire lives together, and fulfilled every single life goal we'd ever had together until the end of time.
I will not disagree with anyone that may raise the question about maybe these thoughts/feelings to be a bit extreme, especially given the amount of time we've had together. However, I then ask myself, why fight it? I've been dating for years and have experienced the somewhat good ones, the just okay ones, the interesting ones, the holy s**t what the ******** was that ones, the canceled ones, the just straight up ghosted ones... then to shift into this? I've had countless personal experiences to prove time over time again and again my gut feelings are pretty damn near perfect compared to my brain, so again, why fight these feelings by trying to figure it out, at least right away.
I am always telling myself to be in the moment. That the most important thing I can do each day is focus on the here and now. I can never get too far ahead of myself or I'll begin making mistakes, becoming complacent, or have my levels of anxiety just grow until I let it out abruptly somehow usually by being depressed and lonely for a unidentified amount of time.
All in all, to try and bring this intro of a saga to a close... this is all I have for today and by that I mean everything in life that I have right now is all I have and all I will ever have in this moment and when I think of her in the picture everything just seems to fall in place for some reason. And even if it all ends tonight, I have shared some kind of deep connection where it's the first time I cannot fully explain and it is good. I will end up treasuring it forever and ever although I also know it really isn't quite over and I can even feel this growing. If it were a seed, we would see a small sprout with two tiny leaves. All we need now is patience and gentle care. Rushing anything is not an option and our feelings wont even allow it.
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"You must be the change you wish to see in the world," ~Ghandi |
