then Kelcy came into the room and she wasnt smiling like she was when she left. She just went into the office and heard that someone got into an accident. but we didnt kno anything else. Me and Leigh Caynee and Heather and Joel started trying to figure out who had an open block and who was were. Everyone who could started to txt their friends asking questions. I started acctualy working on my project in tech and i was numb. I was scared. I started to pray. Mr. Ward came onto the intercom and announced that a student was in a car accident with a train. but he couldnt tell us who they hadnt gotten ahold of his parents yet.
Soon we narrowed down who it could to be, Jake and Tomas. We tryed to call them but didnt get a hold of them. Next think I kno, Joel, not even bothering to hide the fact he was on his cellphone in class, Just started to yell and all I heard was "SHUT UP? Jake? No way?! you're sure? you're postive? Jake?!" and we all looked at each other again unsure of what to do think or say. as most of you know when something like this happens the true story doesnt come out right away and none of us knew what to believe.
Cayennes lil sister was on the FBLA trip with some people who were close to Jake. very close. she told Cayenne that Jake died. we still couldnt believe it. None of us knew what to think. the bell rang and I walked into the halls, the teachers were standing outside of their doors all of their arms were crossed, all frowning, all leaning and talking in hushed voices watching us. I just tried to find kayt, because i wanted to make sure she was ok because i thought for a second it might of been her. I saw Nicole and steph and te and kristi and they were crying and numb I had no idea of what to say. I just held them and i felt it, the lumps in my throat and my eyes stinging but most of all i felt it in my heart. They left and mrs litner came to me and told me i could go into her class if i wanted to i didnt have to go to my class I tried I went back to my class and the room usualy was full by then and now only a few people were just sitting there. Evan was laughing, Marissa was talking to Kayla. I felt so out of place. Our sub didnt even look at us and she sat back in the back of the room on the computer. I went back out side of the class with Kayt we couldnt be in there any more. Everything just broke my heart more. Brice lost it, the rest of the senior guys were either crying silently or just wandering around numb. boys from my class were the same way and it was so hard to see the guys Im so used to goofing around and being totaly hilarious while being totaly immature just sit there. I started to truely realize what had happened. I saw kayt go to brice and kristi and ali were sitting there. I didnt know where to go i felt out of place and i didnt know wat to think, any moment i was about to loose it. Next thing i saw was kristi and kayt praying and their hands were on brice and with eachother. I joined them and i began to cry I lost it. alaina came with us and sherrina. Kayt was praying, asking for understanding. asking for comfort. she always seems so strong when this happens. I kept asking God for a reason i wanted an answer. Its not fair and i didnt understand. I still dont.
Soon We were called to go to the gym. We all knew. Everyone knew. the state patrol man who was there on the scene told us. Jake tried to beat the train. It took out the front of his van, He was dead when the police got there. the Gym Filled with screams sobs... and i lost it again. Our principle, mr. ward. Begged us to be careful. He begged us to make good choices. He asked us to go back to class but if we wanted to we could go home we'd have to call our parents. I didnt want to go home but i didnt want to be there. I called Juan after the assembly and i felt so bad because he had half the day off and i just wanted to cry on his sholders and i needed someone who wasnt loosing it to tell me what i kept telling my self. that its going to be ok. I tried to find a quite place to go but most the doors were filled with people crying and calling their parents to go home. I didnt want neone tohear me tell juan what happened. When he answered the phone I tried to tell him but i broke down again. He was in Denver so he couldnt come. Matt Majres found me and he just held me and i started to cry again. I hung up the phone with juan and just hugged matt. He asked if i wanted to go to his class with him so i followed him I saw kristi talking so someone (i cant remeber who now) and I waited till she was done, she asked me if i was ok, well better than i was, and i lost it again and we sat down against the wall and I told her that I was still so scared. I was scared of loosing her and going through this again. she told me she wasnt going to loose me which we both understood theres no way that she can perfectly promise me that but it helped and i cried some more. stanford came over and sat with us and started to talk to us. We were remevering Jake. It was lunch and i was so weak i needed to eat something. I saw Jake wies and eric walk by so i told kristi id be back and went to go follow them. I wanted to tell them that i loved them i kno it seemed so stupid at the time. Im scared of telling people that but I had to i didnt care anymore. I hugged Jake and i told him that li did love him, he was numb but he hugged me back and told me that he loved me too. I saw will and i hugged him too and told him the same. I started to laugh because i felt so stupid and it seem like all i could do because i couldnt cry anymore. Will was taking Joe houser home and asked if i wanted to go with them so i said yes and went to go find kristi to tell her were i was going and that id be back when lunch was over.
So me Will and Joe got into Will's familys camero and started to drive to pierce. We didnt talk at all, I had seen Joe earier and he was crying too. So i didnt expect us to talk. It wasnt an awkward silence it was an understanding silence. we dropped Joe off and i got in the front seat and started to talk to will about random things. we went to his house and I had some cookies and played with his dog (which is basicaly a HUGE furry mattess with legs. i love that dog.) We looked at pictures his family had up in his house and talked about his sister and graduation last year and then we talked about the china cabnet type thing Wills mom had fragile things in. We got back into the car and we started to talk about Jake. We remebered the fun and good things and the honest things about him. How ill never look at a toothpick the same again cause Jake would almost ALWAYS have one to chew on, or a lollypop. Or the Aviator glasses, or his white boy fro that was huge by that year. his yellow Vw bus van type thing, the blue curtains, How he'd always wave a peace sign at you if he drove by. How he loved peace signs. we laughed about how loud he would be at games. I remebered my last basketball game last year. He got in trouble for yelling at the refs. Or how my freshman year i was wearing some jeans that were cut up and were like patchwork quilt or w/e and he told me that he loved them cause they're hippie like.
that helped. it really did. will said that Jakes senior quote was something like "If you dont Live life on the edge, you're taking up too much room". and i think thats good advice.
So will and i got back to school, we decided to look for Anthony because will was going to see if he wanted to hang out. we couldnt find him and i saw Andy and Luke over at the skate park so i went over there and said bye to will. Kristi had left with steph and ali and nicole. I found luke and hugged him and told him i was ok, Then i found andy and i tried to help her get her mind off of it. We walked back over to the school. I ended up not going to Mrs. Hensleys class and played monopoly in Mr. Bains class.
after school I called my mom and told her wat happened. I asked her if i be with the kayts that night because i didnt want to be alone and i wanted to make sure they stayed ok. mom said that was fine. Me and kayt found my old year books and we found the pictures of him and what he wrote in mine. We remebered... and that was good..Kayt and i were craving A&W so we went to eaton and got some. I wanted to talk to one of my eatonites and tell tem i loved them and ask them to pray so i asked Kayt to go to Nikki and andy's house. With our luck they were home and their boyfriends were as well. it was kinda awkward but i was happy i got to talk to them, we laughed and it got our minds off of it. After wards we left and decided we would watch Austin powers that night because to me thats the perfect movie to get my mind off of it and laugh. So we rented the second one. We went to Tcs house and had some pizza. Jakes accident was on the news and the radio so we tried to avoid that. We ended up getting some alchol from Kayts sister, which wasnt maybe the best way to handle it but it helped. Kimber and Keely came over and we watched austin powers and laughed. All of us knowing what the other was going through to the point of we didnt need words anymore.
I ended up spending the night at tcs and i called juan to let him kno i was ok well better than i was earilier.
So yea, I'm still pretty numb and to me it seems as if Nov. the 3rd was like watchign a sad movie or doing a study on a tradgedy that happened a long time ago. but, it happened yesterday. It doesnt seem real. And I wasnt extremely close to jake. But i knew him. We all did. If yo pray. Pray for my school. We're all hurting. this keeps happening to us. We're still hurt from Joseph, enrique, Makayla, Miguel(middle school), and now Jake.
As for me. I'm bout as well as i could be after something like that. I have no idea what is going to happen. I dont know who is next. I dont want anyone else to have to go through this. ever. it isnt right. I have no answers. I have no idea what to say. but i beg everyone please. be smart. Think about what you do. Because if jake could see what he put us through...
I hope everyone has something good happen to them. If you're hurt then i hope theres healing. and there is i hope u find it Just remeber our days are numbered. some people dont get the pleasure to just sit around all day and procrastinate or w/e. dont waste time. and now a corny quote-Life isnt measured by how many breaths we take, but by how many moments take our breath away.
I love you all. so much.
R.I.P Jake Haines you're missed
<3
