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It was my first time ever
And I'll never forget
I'd do it again
Without a single regret.
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were all alone
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do.
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine.
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast.
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart.
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came.
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...

FAKE FRiENDS: Never ask for food.
REAl FRiENDS: are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRiENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAl FRiENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRiENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAl FRiENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "D@mn ... we f*cked up ... but that s**t was fun!"

FAKE FRiENDS: never seen you cry.
REAl FRiENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRiENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAl FRiENDS: keep your s**t so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRiENDS: know a few things about you.
REAl FRiENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRiENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAl FRiENDS: Will kick the whole crowds @ss that left you.

FAKE FRiENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAl FRiENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE FRiENDS: Are for awhile.
REAl FRiENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRiENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAl FRiENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "b***h drink the rest of that you know we don't waste sh*t."

FAKE FRiENDS: will talk s**t to the person who talks s**t about you.
REAl FRiENDS: Will knock them the f*ck out

I FIND THIS CUTE...ISH
Mouse Story ...
A mouse looked through the
crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered -
he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard,
the mouse proclaimed the
warning.

"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap
in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and
said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you
but it is of no consequence to me.
I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a
mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said,
"I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse,
but there is nothing I can do about it but pray.
Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a
mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse.
I'm sorry for you,
but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected,
to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house --
like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the
darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake
whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife.
The farmer rushed her
to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup,
so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's
main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued,
so friends and neighbors came
to sit with her around the clock.
To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died.
So many people came
for her funeral, the farmer
had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you,
remember --
when one of us is threatened,
we are all at risk.

We are all involved in this journey called life.
We must keep an eye out
for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

*The Poopie List*
GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''