I try to ignore the feelings I have. The eternal loneliness that is I. The friends I cherish the family I call. Don’t cure, but instead deepen the wounds that this loneliness causes. To hear a friend say ‘I have a new boyfriend’ or ‘I just kissed the cutest girl’ makes me die a little more on the inside, every time I hear it. True friends are what keep you going, when your fake friends try to best you. The friends who stop you from doing the worst, and keep you doing the best. They give me a little hope that life isn’t so lonely, most of the time. The couples along the path, cute, but hated. I never have, and probably never will, be a part of that. Love isn’t what loses me, it’s the people who choose how much of their love that lose me. I haven’t yet had someone who will say, ‘I love you so much that I would die for you, literally.’ It just has never worked out like that. I have people tell me how happy I always am or how I ‘never get sad’. They only see the OUTSIDE of me. The shell I hide myself in, few people get deeper than that. Even fewer try to help. My good friend, is one of those people, he keeps telling me that there are ways, ‘I’ll help you find one.’ He’s sweet, but I don’t think it will work. I want the guy who can cuddle me, willing to hold my hand down a random road as well as a crowded mall. The guy who is strong on the outside but sensitive on the inside. Who loves me not for what I look like or will in twenty years, but who I am. We try to be with people we want to be with. Well I think there’s no one out there brave enough to try and get past the outer shell of me and stay there forever.
_The Angels Candy_ Community Member 
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