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So begins my 30 hour famine. Actually, I started at 12 today. This means I can't eat -anything- until tomorrow at 6 PM.

I can do it.

Why am I doing it, you ask?

Our Youth group is supporting people in Uganda. Children, to be more specific. We're collecting donations, and $30 feeds one child for a whole month. So why do we have to starve ourselves for 30 hours? It's a matter of spiritual growth. We're getting a taste (har har) of what it feels like to go without food for more than a day.

I think it's an amazing idea, and I'm really excited for the Youth lock-in tonight. We're going to be doing a ton of stuff - just not eating!

It also rids your body of oxidants, which I thought was neat.

We can drink anything we want, though. We just can't have meal replacers like Slim Fast or protien shakes.


I'm going on 6 hours right now. Think I can do it?

+ Kiriai

1. Your name:
+ Sarah

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME:
(first three letters of your name, plus izzle)
+ Sarizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:
(fav color and fav animal)
+ Black Cat

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:
(middle name, and current street name)
+ Renee Birkenhead

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME:
(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of dad's name)
+ Woosadou

6. SUPERHERO NAME:
(2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
+ Red Water ((o__O Whoah.. COOL!))

7. IRAQI NAME:
(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 3rd letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you moms middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name)
+ Aononme

8. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:
(your middle name)
+ Renee

9. GOTH NAME:
(3rd favorite color, and the name of one your pets)
+ White Penny


I made myself LOL. biggrin

Being depressed isn't really my thing. And when it hits me, I try not to show it, but it hits me hard because I rarely experience depression (as if it's a real "disease" wink .

Today was great. I had loads of fun, a sub in Spanish, and figured out just how many friends I really have.

But the bus ride home was different. The song "Wake Me Up When September Ends" blasts into my earbuds, and into my ears, and I begin to think of all of the memories I had with one of my closest friends. These memories caused other memories to pop into my head, memories I hate to think of. They make me want to steal Dumbledore's pensieve and deposit them in it forevermore. But I can't. So I was forced to re-live these moments in my head, and as each second passed, I began to feel crappier and crappier, until I thought I would cry. And to make matters worse, the only person who really understands everything I'm talking about wouldn't answer his phone, and he never called today, even though he promised. But he's worlds away, in New Jersey, and probably has better things to do than to listen to me mope on about something we've both tried to forget. But this same subject re-occurs in our converstions sometimes, and we can't do anything but talk about how horrible it was, how horrible I felt, and how he did everything to help me deal with the matter at hand.

Since he's moved (February), these things have found their way to the back of my memory bank, and I try to think of them as rarely as possible. But it was inevitable today. And I can't help but feel almost hopeless, because I know the hatred wants to boil up and explode in the face of the person who brought about these memories, and hatred is a feeling I'd rather not feel. I'd love to be happy with everything in the world. I'd love to never hate a soul, and I can probably say I don't at the moment, even though I claim I do. But I've always wanted to hate this person, and I can't. He has a way with words, with life, with actions, and I find myself enjoying his presence, even though I know he knows he's betrayed me, let me down, lied to me, stabbed me in the back.

And no amount of words from my loverly in New Jersey is ever going to change my feelings for this person. I hate this person, but I can't help but love him all the same. Why? I don't know. I wish God could explain this to me, I wish I could ask any of my friends and not be afraid or even ashamed or embarassed, I wish confusion weren't even a real word, not even in the innocent game of Pokemon.

Maybe I'll have a superfantastic day tomorrow. I really hope so.

+sarah/

P.S. Sorry for the craptacular depression mode. If you hate it, I hate it a million times worse. Just smile at me the next time you see me, and I'll know you care, that you love me, that you'll be there for me. And pray that this phase only lasts for no more than maybe a couple of hours.

P.S.S. It may seem a bit confusing, but I am talking about two different people in this, as well as myself. Two guys, one me. Pathetic, no?