Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

So i got back from the beach more than a week ago and yes...i am now abodiginal!
It was hot, sunny, bit windy, had good boys to stare at (well mostly just the one - that being Scotty lol), and there were many fights between everyone in my family EXCEPT me! Family love (L)

Went to Sydney yeasterday to see my sister compete at the Australian Youth Olympic Festival. Jess flew up with the Aussie Taekwondo team on Tuesday, and me and mum woke up at 4 AM to get a 6:00 flight to Sydney. We spent the whole day in the stadium watching Jess in three fights.
She got to the final versus Chinese Taipei (the toughest competitor) and Jess lost cos she got hit in the head so many times!
Poor girl. But still...SILVER medal at her first international comp!

So me and mum didn't get home till 11:30 last night, and i didn't get to sleep until about 12:30, so i went a whole 24 hours almost on only 2 and a half hours sleep from the night before!!!

Lucky for me i was able to sel my Big Day Out ticket! So i haven't wasted away $120 for nothing!

love stephy xoxo

Well my Christmas celebrations started on Christmas Eve, where all my Lithuanian relatives came over and we had a traditional European Christmas dinner, whic consisted of 12 meals, all cold and containing no meat. They did however contain fish in most of them, and beetroot.
I invited Scott over to have Xmas dinner with us, and what a culture shock for him! He is used to the roast turkey thing, and was quite suprised at hwat food we were eating!!

The next mroning, my brother woke me up at 7:30 AM, and we opened our prezzies. I got:
- TV off my parents
- nail polish
- make up

Scotty came over at about 10 and gave me a stereo system!! It has the sweetest base, just right for all my charming house music lol.
I gave him his prezzie which was a watch worth $200 (don't tell him i actually paid less than that though!)
Then i went round to Scott's house and gave his family their prezzies, and got prezzies off them including Britney Spears Curious, a Bath Toning Set, Candles and Lipgloss.
Then i went to my Auntie's house for a boring lunch, and then i went to Scott's house for leftover roast turkey dinner and learnt how to play the card game 500.
I kept cheating but the only problem was i didn't know it until they told me at the end of the game!

I stayed at Scott's that night, then the next morning went to my house for lunch with my Aussie relatives. We had the traditional Aussie Christmas meal of prawns on the barbie. Scott liked this a lot more than salad and fish!
That night i had yet another get together, at Scott's house again, with a MASSIVE traditional roast turkey dinner, followed by pudding of course...my favourite!

And that was the end of the celebrations, boxing day i went shopping, and got a few bargains! smile

Now i am finally back to going to the gym and watching what i eat again! lol

I'm going on holidays on Monday with my family (plus Scotty) to Merry Beach which is near Sydney. It's gonna be hot and sunny and just wait for my excellent tan when i get back!
Catch you guys afterwards!

xoxo

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Other news as well, me and scott are FINALLY over all our little tiny fights.
We've been having them for about 3 weeks, and last night we had one more, and we wereboth like:
"WE LOVE EACH OTHER! LET'S MAKE LOVE!"

lol, funny, but it was the best night of my life with him!!!

can't wiat to give him his Christmas prezzie, i got him a $200 Citizen Watch! it's so awesome!

xoxo

So, over the last couple of months I have become a different person. The old, happy, bubbly, compassionate, committed Steph has disappeared, and I want her back. I’ve been bitchy to my family, moody, and taken out a lot of my anger and sadness on my family, friends and boyfriend. It’s not fair on them that I’ve become such a horrible person, and I don’t even like the person I am. So its time for a change. As of today I’m someone different. I’m doing more housework, being more supportive of my siblings and family, not having a bitchy attitude, being happy, being compassionate and tolerant, being affectionate and kind and appreciative, and being a better person.
I get that my family doesn’t like me at the moment, and I get that my boyfriend doesn’t like the person I am at the moment. That’s why I’m going to be different now.
Everyone has to try to understand what I’m trying to do, its not going to help with constant abuse coming from people. I get it that I’m a terrible person who no one likes, and I get it that some people think this is who I am permanently. But I’m going to prove them wrong. They can treat me as horribly as they want with the notion that I’m not going to change, and I will still be nice to them, because those people who don’t believe that I can change, are the ones who aren’t worth reacting to. They are the ones who I will simply ignore their abuse, and keep on being the person I want to be.
People will hopefully like me again, and I will hopefully like myself again, and make things easier for everyone.

me and scott have been so tense lately, i just don't get it!
i think it may be because we have spending so much time together, without breaks.
it seems like as soon as we sort out one massive fight, we have another one, but because little things are annoying us.
for example: scott told me i should tone my thighs cos they are huge, but in a joking way, and i knew he meant it in a joking way, but for some dumb reason it still kinda upset me...

i said to him the other night before we went to sleep:
"it feels like we're falling apart..." he agreed with me. it feels like we were only really close friends, not bf and gf.
we talked about having a break from each other, and the next morning i went off to work, assuming that that was probably what it was going to come to. i odn't know why but i wasn't even that pset, i was more confused as to how we could have let this happen. by having a break, we would still see each other, but only be friends until we decided the time was right to get together again.

i still knew we loved each other, but i just felt so strange, i don't even know how to describe it, and he said the same.

anyway, i got back from work, and he said:
"come downstairs, i wanna talk about the same thing we did last night."
so went to my room, and straight out, he said:
"i don't want a break from you, no way, we still love each other, we just shouldn't see each other 24/7. i don't wanna fight, so we should catch up with our friends more, and do our own things more, so we feel like we used to."

i love him heart

last night i was staying over at scott's house, and we were all happy and stuff. then, hile we were waiting for his dinner to cook, we were just sitting on the kitchen benches talking...and he asked me:

"do you ever get curious about other guys?"
i answered no of course, since i really never do get curious and really never think about any other guy but scott.
he said to me then, "stop lying..."
i said seriuosloy that i wasn't.
i got a bit annoyed that he thought i was lying about that...he does it all the time when we are talking about something serious. he just automatically thinks i'm lying when something seems unreal.

anyway, i asked him the same question, but to do with other girls (of course)
he replied that:
"sometimes he thinks that a girl is hot and that she would be a good root, but then he would think about how my parents would feel if he was with another girl"
he also said that:
"i could easily go for any girl i want, i could have slept with so many of my hot girl mates and you owuldn't even know. i could heaps of girls which are older and hotter (as in older hotter looking) than you."

scott definately could get any girl he wanted, i mean he is hot, he looks after girls, he's a nice guy all round.

but i suppose after what he said, how do i know for sure he hasn't been with anyone else?
how do i know if i'm not just some poor young naive girl who he wants to play around with?

i love him, and he says he loves me, but after what he said, i don't know whether he's truthfully honest about how he feels towards me.

then again, i have cheated on him, when i was drunk and completely regret it, but it was only a kiss, however if he cheated he would actualy sleep with the person.

he doesn't seem like he doesn't love me, he spoils me, looks after me...but sometimes i still feel rejected and underappreciated.
i don't wanna be just another one of his girls who he's had a bit of fun with.

i hate to think of him this way, i love the guy!!!

i don't know what to do...

yesterday scott and i had planned to hire some dvd's and we were gonna watch them late into the night last night.
so i went out yesterday arvo and hired 5 dvd's (two overnight ones included)...which cost me $11.

then, scott calls me up just after work and says:
"i should go over and see my grandparents tonight after workl cos mum says they're going through a rough time."
so i was ok with that i suppose because he does need to see his grandparents.

so that night i went home and watched two dvd's by my lonesome, and then at about eleven. scott calls me up and says that he saw his grandparents for only about half an hour, and now he is having his ates around for drinks...and boy did i feel ditched and left out.

do you think it is fair to be a bit upset about him ditching me?

he hardly ever sees his mates so i suppose its ok, but still, we had already made plans.