Its been a while since I made a new entry. So here's a new one to make up for lost time.
The second to last entry before this one was made just a few days before or was it after summer, I felt deeply that this was the oppotune time for change as I felt that I needed it and so did the others around me.
I began to do the things which I never dared to do before, or never thaught I could do myself.
I broke up fropm a long and for me, uite difficult and frustrating relationship, I gave in, something I find very hard to to whenthere are other conserned. We still arn't great and I don't expect there will ever be the same freindship that we both shared long before all this happened.
I worked harder at my school work now that the end is in sight, I want to do the best I can so I can make my dreams come true.
For some part, the end seems so close and It makes me so scared, even now...
But it also at the same time, seems so far off, I know there are a lot of things for me to see, learn and say before It comes. I'm not afraid as I once was, I've learnt new ways to pass these 'Hurdles' that I have going in my mind.
I'm learning more and more about myself, what I think of myself and also what others think of me. Some think I'm a really great peoson who would never hurt a soal, couldn't set a foot wrong... You get the idea.
I don't want to dissapoint these people who hold such a high esteem for me. And that is the thing that worries me the most.
All my life, I've been told to think of others, becore I think of myself, be considerate.
And I have, as best at I can, I've sucseeded in doing what they want me to do.
But how well have I done the job, were there things that I failed to do?
I can think of many things. People I've hurt for myself, was it selfish, or was it just the only good outcome possable in that spesufic situation, I'm learning to deside, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it really.
I made a Post secret recently and it said: "I never wanted anyone to know me, I was always afraid what they'd think of me. Now I'm afraid of being alone again." Emo-sounding as it is, it is very true.
I've always had a barrier between myself and people but now I'm popening up, and I can't stop it, I don't know what wil happen. There is no choice for me though, its happening, so It must mean its ment to be.
There is only one way to find out, maybe these things are happening to make me a better and stronger person. Who knows.
"Oh I can't stop talking for fear of listening to unwelcome sound.
And you haven't talked to me in weeks and honestly, its bringing me down.
Oh, I, I feel like, I wouln't like me, if I met me,
I, I feel like, you wouldn't like me, If you met me."
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Silent Thunder
This is like a little window to my life what i do and stuff i like
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