Happy Easter everyone!
You know, I've never really understood this holiday, especially after I learned that Santa wasn't real (which was a total blow to my self-esteem by the way). Honestly, I started to think, <i>Well, okay, so since when did giant bunnies lay eggs, then hide them around for kids to find and then leave them chocolate?</i> And then when I understood the whole Jesus thing from my friends (because church and me are like "well ******** you too" to each other) I was like, <i>What the hell does a giant egg laying bunny who hides eggs and gives out probably stolen from the nearest Publix chocolate and Jesus rising three days after he died have to do with each other?!</i>
So I came up with a little theory with my friend Derek. We know it's not true, but it gives us a reason to be like "oh, okay it's Easter" and not be like "this holiday is so screwed up". For those of you who think this holiday is screwed up, maybe this little theory of ours will give you something obscure to believe in:
Jesus is God's son. We all know this according to the Bible. Well, wasn't it God who also told Noah to bring animals on his boat so they wouldn't drown? Therefore I have concluded the ultimate fact that God is an animal lover! And I can only guess, due to our Easter holiday, that God's favorite animal was the bunny. He loved his son, Jesus, and the bunny equally so the day Jesus rose from the grave he decided we should celebrate by creating a giant bunny handing out chocolate goods and such. Now of course the Devil has to be in here somewhere. He tells the bunny to steal chicken eggs full of chocolate and whatnot. Well the bunny does so, and now it has many eggs. God then tells the bunny that he was bad, is forgiven, and as punishment ((you see I even used the whole forgiven punishment Bible thing)) the bunny every year on the day his son rises from his grave has to give children all the eggs it stole.
Ta-da!
Now, Good Friday is a totally different thing. I'm not sure why they call it that, even though it's the day Jesus supposedly died. Yet again, this is why I don't have a set religion and I make up my own theories as to why things are the way they are.
That is all <3
Panic At Le Disko Community Member 
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