It seems like things just keep getting worse.
I don't even know what's keeping me here anymore.
Sometimes I just want to end it all...I keep thinking that if I can hold on a little longer, that I'll make it and somehow everything will be ok.
I just want to be someone else or something else, anything.
Most of all...I want to be sakura blossoms. So I can be useful.
and loved.
But I know that sooner or later everyone would forget who I am. In the end I'm not important at all. If I disappeared there would always be a replacement Nina. So what is the point. _ .
Why should I keep on going if there is no point? If I already hate myself more each day. No one will remember me.
I look in the mirror and realize how truly ugly I am. There are so many bad things about me, outside and inside....I want to break myself.
I should just die already, but I am too scared of death. Sometimes I'm not scared at all, but nothing happens. It's cruel.
I wish bad things would happen to me. I don't deserve happiness, I'm disgusting, full of self pity, horrible.
I'm so lonely but there's no one to turn to. I don't want to force people to listen to me, or to keep me company. They are good people...I'm just not useful. Something tells me that I will always be alone. I will meet a few people who have temporary likings for me, but I will never find someone who will be there forever. It's impossible.
I feel like I'm dragging my body through 10 layers of brick...I don't even know how to explain the feeling. It's awful.
I want it to end.
Tomorrow I'm going to leave random notes for people to find and lucky pennies on the ground...so that more people will be happy and I will feel better about myself.
Question: Is it selfish if you do something to help people because you actually only want to make yourself feel better?
I guess so, but I'm not surprised because I actually am a very selfish person. I'm so sick of myself...but I can't seem to shut up. I want to go away. I wish I would. I annoy myself. There's only one person I could truly hate and it's myself. I hate Nina Kim and I wish she would just go to hell.
xNakix Community Member 
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Community Member
feeling as if nothing i do is right, that no one would miss me if i left, that i'm more of a problem than a solution.
i know how it feels to just want someone to listen and someone to talk back to.
and if you ever want to talk i'm here.
and the last thing you should do is hate yourself because you think you're selfish because truthfully everyone is selfish at some point and time especially teenagers (including myself).
just know that if you ever need someone to talk to i always have an open ear (or aim, or yim, or just a pm)
heart Lucy