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I keep dreaming about Adam... this totally sucks Tom Cruise! Why can't I just talk to him? Damn you attractive guys that are far away from me! You soulless kleptomaniac! You left me to watch the ellen degeneras show with rosie o' donald! That's just wrong! I used to hate guys, not that I was gay or anything... but after going on Gaia, I've changed... Everytime I go to bed, I either think about Gaia or Adam... He makes my knees go weak and everytime I try to talk to him, I end up running off to talk to my parents or gag myself on the other end of a phone. Why? Now I feel soooo embarassed when I'm around him. It's not like the internet... I can't hide the way I feel inside. It's too hard without noticing how I feel... Damn you Adam! I hope you turn gay so no other girl can have you...

Am I becoming freakin' obsessed? I need a restraining order against myself! Am I willing to change everything I am and ever was just to feel Adam next to me when I feel lonely? Is that what I need? A partner in life just to get me by? Why can't I just be those normal kids that think that life sucks and is a waste of time? Will I resort to medication (most of you think I need to, but I don't blame you with what I'm going through now...)? I realize that when I feel a certain attraction, a strong one, I live on it. If I find out Adam doesn't like me (if he does), will I break down inside? Will I damn myself?

I've never felt this way towards a guy, my true feelings are being exposed for all Gaians to see... Not only will I be forced to see the dark side of life if I never meet him, but I will feel insecure and all this just makes me feel more sad inside. I really need a shoulder to cry on right now! crying