clouding my vistion with darkening clouds,
rain beating against the porch roof making me lean out and catch a few,
mind so blank,
so emotionless and scared of her self,
surrondings famillair yet slightly faded,
calling back her past seems like a rule against herself,
fear mixing in the wind and a howl arisen,
blood turning to ice as i bang upon the door again,
its comeing,
but what is it and what would it want with me,
maybe in the morning the sun will shine a light upon my past.
ok iv offically desided...
i cant deal with my life apparently....
iv almost killed myself about seven or so times in the past year or so by ODing...
yay me? but yeah... all of my friends think im going insane ever so slowly and i think i am myself...
iv pretty much only got a few unstable footings in life left to try...
and if they dont work...
who the hell knows what im gonna do... i mean come on...
when i was little i was raped by someone... i lost all want to marry and find love....
i got my heart crushed all through elementary-middle school...
finally im going to high school which seems to just be making me want to slit my throat even more....
but let everyone know this... im not afraid of death...
because for me its not a place to hide... or excape life...
its just a place where i can hide without hearing everyone scream at me for all of the s**t in my life...
and i have to admit... i almost dont even ******** care anymore when i hear my dad yell at me....
i dont care when my fake brothers ((long story when iv never had a step mom)) tease me and talk about girls i should try since im bi...
i dont even care anymore when people talk about mothers and mine might as well be dead from all the pills she takes...
everyone thinks im gonna become some little girl that sits on the street curb and smokes cigarets...
or im gonna be the poet of the stupid family who will shine a ray of hope on those after me...
but in all honesty... i really dont give a ******** anymore...
all i want to do it get into colledge work my a** off find a job away from all of my cursed family! maybe find a guy i can love or marry along the way that wont beat me over the head for everything i do wrong...
but thats pretty much a re-cap of what iv been going through lately...
and i know most people on here must think "oh she has lots of friends she must be fine and have everything almost" but im sorry thats just a fake act...
thankyou for listening to my wining...
-love senny
i cant deal with my life apparently....
iv almost killed myself about seven or so times in the past year or so by ODing...
yay me? but yeah... all of my friends think im going insane ever so slowly and i think i am myself...
iv pretty much only got a few unstable footings in life left to try...
and if they dont work...
who the hell knows what im gonna do... i mean come on...
when i was little i was raped by someone... i lost all want to marry and find love....
i got my heart crushed all through elementary-middle school...
finally im going to high school which seems to just be making me want to slit my throat even more....
but let everyone know this... im not afraid of death...
because for me its not a place to hide... or excape life...
its just a place where i can hide without hearing everyone scream at me for all of the s**t in my life...
and i have to admit... i almost dont even ******** care anymore when i hear my dad yell at me....
i dont care when my fake brothers ((long story when iv never had a step mom)) tease me and talk about girls i should try since im bi...
i dont even care anymore when people talk about mothers and mine might as well be dead from all the pills she takes...
everyone thinks im gonna become some little girl that sits on the street curb and smokes cigarets...
or im gonna be the poet of the stupid family who will shine a ray of hope on those after me...
but in all honesty... i really dont give a ******** anymore...
all i want to do it get into colledge work my a** off find a job away from all of my cursed family! maybe find a guy i can love or marry along the way that wont beat me over the head for everything i do wrong...
but thats pretty much a re-cap of what iv been going through lately...
and i know most people on here must think "oh she has lots of friends she must be fine and have everything almost" but im sorry thats just a fake act...
thankyou for listening to my wining...
-love senny
Community Member