10 days until christmas. I have been through 19 christmass' since I have been alive. I have never really understood it or gave a true appreciation for it. I got pretty much what material object I want to keep me happy. But I am begining to not be happy with it. All the friends I have left are away at college and in their own little world. Not all the time they talk to me or acknowlage my exsistance. Then they go and complain that no one talks to them. Then I got a few where they just can't be happy for ME once in a while. I sit here and listen to everyone else boasting about their new lover, or engagement, or whatever stupid new gadget they got. But once I finaly have something going good for me(like I am goanna get an ipod in Feb.) then they shoot it down and say how they are TOO much and not worth the money yada, yada, yada. Well ya know what...I DON'T CARE!!! This is the first time in which I get something very expensive, and brand new that has never been used by another person. Everything I pretty much had was second hand by another person when I was growing up....Yes....That included the underware I wore too. As of right now I don't wear second hand cloths as much....But they are not very nice looking either..
crying I just found out my mum needs a new car. Her water pump blew, and it costs more to replace than it would to just buy a new car....So I guess the heat is not goanna be turned on anytime soon. Also I guess that means no food either for a while :'(. And the sad things is, is that my father came over and said he is not helping us because he has no money either. Well just the other day he calls up randomaly and started talking about he new $4,000 computer he got. After that I have never seen my mother cry that hard before... cry I just wanted to go to my dad's house and beat the s**t out of him...But that wouldn't solve anything. Well...The exception that it will make me feel ALOT better....
Okay...So on with what I truely want. All I want is three things for Christmas. I want the heat turned back on in our house,my mum's car fixed and I want my friend(or at least I hope he still considers me a friend) Jon to talk to me again like old times. I know these will most likely not come true 'cause I had obvious done something to deserve his silence. I dunno...I'm just soooo confused, so lost...And so hurt...Both emotionaly and physicaly...I just don't understand anymore...When I REALLY need someone they are not around...
So yea...Happy Christmas.... heart
LostxDemonicxSoul · Thu Dec 14, 2006 @ 07:15am · 0 Comments |