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Another musing: Relationships |
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Well most would think that I'm the last one to be talking about relationships, considering that I have yet to have any physical relations with a girl past a hug, but I'll be talking about it anyway.
Having relationships with your friends and such is pretty cool. You learn something about someone else and sometimes you can have a special person that you can go to whenever you need some sage advice and whatnot.
But there's another kind of relationship that isn't so great. A relationship between teens that is often mistaken as love. Honestly, most relationships like this are bad. There can be several reasons for having a girl/boyfriend. Status, feelings, neediness, and drama are the key factors most of the time. Teen dating is just a pain. Stupid, superficial, and always leaves you emotionally ruined in the end. Here's the basic process. Imagine Jack sees a pretty girl named Jill. (Yeah yeah, quiet. I'm just making a point.) Jack watches Jill for a bit and decides that he wouldn't mind going out with her. So Jack wanders over and uses some sort of witty pick-up line or scheme to get into a conversation with her, in which he has to wrack his mind for more witty things to say, lest she get bored with him and gives him the cold shoulder. Provided Jack passes this little initiation test, he sees Jill a few more times and is promoted to the title of "friend". They go through their friend stage, in which Jack has to make himself look like god on earth in order to get her attention away from other people onto him. Eventually, he'll ask her out and then he has to bust his hump making sure she has the time of her life at this date. If there's one thing she doesn't like then she'll make it known, subtlely or not. Now if Jack actually manages to pull it off, then they could be considered "dating". They go out on a few "harmless" dates in which Jack continues to provide Jill with fun and entertainment, which gets turned to fondness and admiration for Jack. Eventually, Jack will go a step further and make another move, probably to hold hands or kiss her or something to that extent. If he keeps his timing right, then it works and they become boyfriend and girlfriend. Now's when it all goes downhill. Things are great! Jill has a shoulder to cry on and a guy who will pretty much do whatever she says. Jack gets the male dream, known as a girlfriend. Physical relations, such as kissing, occur and they both have fun. Yay for them! (Physical relations past that vary. In the worst case scenario, they have intercourse, which could lead to an entirely different subject. I've already put up a rant on the subject somewhere else.) From this part on, it can go either way, so I'm not being sexist. Jack could do the same to Jill, but I'll use Jack as the protagonist here. So, Jack could be believing that they really truly genuinely love each other and they'll grow up to get married etcetera etcetera. Jill could too, for a time. But there's always someone better out there and one of these betters display some interest in Jill. I'll call him Brad. So Brad notices Jill and displays some interest, though he doesn't make a move since Jill is clearly spoken for. But Jill has gotten bored of the same old Jack day in and day out, so she decides to see Brad for a while. Nothing sexual or anything. She just evaluates him. All the while, Jack is blissfully unaware while Jill is preparing herself for the breakup. She stops replying to Jack's "I Love You"s and doesn't kiss him as often, etcetera. Finally, she decides that it is over between her and Jack and tells him so. Jack is totally shocked while Jill is unperturbed. Jack most likely throws a fit and Jill acts like Jack is being the bad guy by not just saying "Okay" and walking away. Now Jack is at home crying and downing twelve bottles of his parents' vodka to relieve his depression. In the meantime, Jill and Brad are repeating the same old process until a better girl/guy comes along. Repeat.
Sounds fun, huh? If you're fourteen and think you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life, chances are you're wrong.
My word of advice, though few if any will follow it; If your significant other starts acting differently toward you--less affectionate, stops telling you they love you, starts arguments easily, stops opening up to you, etc.--you might want to brace yourself for the worst, because you can bet that they're doing the same.
Now for the next part. People who absolutely insist that they NEED a girl/boyfriend at all times. You are prime targets for this cycle. Why? Because someone can treat you like a house pet, but the way he/she will make you feel will make you forget all about it.
Reasons why they say they need a girl/boyfriend?
A) "I need someone to talk to about all my problems! If I don't, I'll go insane or something! Why? Because I have some sort of mental/emotional condition that makes my needs much more elevated than everyone else!"
That's not exclusively for significant others, you know. Teachers, parents, and normal friends are all around you for you to lean on when you have troubles. At least, that's what real friends do. If you don't have any friends like that, you might want to focus on getting some instead of getting a significant other.
B) "I need someone to hug and kiss and stuff!" No, you don't NEED someone like that. I've gone fifteen years without one and I'm still going to hold on for the right person even if that means waiting fifteen more.
C) "Nobody loves me!" This is the one that makes me angry. Yes, people love you. You're just too busy treating everyone as guests to your pity party to see the people that do. Living without being loved at all is much more than having a bad day and deciding that nobody cares about you because a knight in shining armor didn't come to whisk you away to fairyland. Having nobody who cares about you is an empty existance, and people in that situation are so desperate that they usually kill themselves. No, I'm not encouraging you to do so because chances are you're not one of them!
D) "I just need someone to love!" People who say this shouldn't even be trying to date in the first place. Why? Because love isn't just a position. It's not something where you can have just anyone fill up. There's going to be that special person who you will genuinely love, and just running around looking for someone who will go out with you isn't the way to find them.
Ultimate Dating Advice: Don't try to get a partner. Quit spending all your time looking for someone to throw your life away on and start living it. I'm fairly certain that blatantly flirting is more of a turn off. Keep your friends as friends and let fate do the work for you. It'll let you lead a happier, less stressful life.
I know this probably didn't make much sense, but I was just speaking my mind. *shrug*
Aquas Magus · Sun Dec 03, 2006 @ 07:33am · 4 Comments |
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