"Did your ex-boyfriend make that?" hiro pointed to her dress.
"Yes," she smirked. "its one of a kind. Isnt it beautiful?"
"It's fine, Just don't wear it on a date." He laughed but it was forced, I could tell. He couldn't hide the annoyance in his voice.
I sighed and wrapped the matching fur shawl around my shoulders. It was Christmas time, Arashi and Miwako had invited us to their house for a little holiday get-together. There was a thin layer of snow on the ground that crunched lightly under our feet as Hiro and I made our way to his red BMW. "I can't wait to see Alice, she's growing into such a beautiful young lady," I spoke, uncomfortable in the awkward silence. "And Erica is looking more and more like Arashi every day!"
Hiroyuki slid into the driver's seat next to me, that irritated look still on his face. "She'd be so much cuter if she looked like Miwako, since she's a girl."
I could feel myself getting aggrivated as well. "You're just jelous that Arashi took Miwako away from you."
"Yes I am," he admitted without hesitation. "And I probably will be for the rest of my life." Yes, even after nearly twenty years, he's still mad at his once best friend for ending up with the girl he had once loved. Because he was still in love with her. We're getting married in one month, and we're both still in love with other people. Even I could tell it wasn't going to last.
One week after Arashi and Miwako's party, Hiro finally voiced the doubt I had been feeling for so long. I told him I agreed with him, and two days later he had completely moved out of the house.
He left me the tickets, though, to the Broadway show we had been planning to go to on our honeymoon. He told me I could take anyone I wanted, but of course I'd be going alone. The single person I would ever consider taking was already there.
I was twenty-eight, my marriage fell apart before it really even could begin, my modeling career, it seems, is slowly nearing its end... Only one thing could make the world right again.
I flew to America the day before the show, but I went to the Broadway Hall the moment I arrived. He would be there, I was sure of it, checking to make sure all his costumes were okay, and everything was in order. I knew he would be, because I knew him. Even after eleven years, my memories of him had not faded even slightly. I still remembered perfectly the sight of his blue hair and piercing eyes, the smell of his cologne, the sound of his voice that echoed relentlessly around in my head.
"Because you're so beautiful, Yukari."
"I'm proud that you're my girlfriend."
"It's nice to have everyone admire someone you love."
"I'm sad unless you're with me."
"Do you think I'm falling in love with you?"
Thinking back now on all those things, I realize how foolish I had been, how absolutely positively stupid I was not to have said yes, not to have jumped into his arms screaming "Of course I'll go with you!"
But stubborn me had to refuse. I had it set in Japan, I was just so afraid of having to start over in a whole different country...And that fear blinded me. What good did it do me to be a successful, well-known model if I was completely empty on the inside? Just a shell for people to gawk at?
There was no insentive for me to keep living, yet...at the same time, there was every insentive in the world. I would find him, I would be with him. I would fix the biggest mistake of my life.
Of course, the theatre was packed with bustling people, setting up for tomorrow's performance. I got many rude glances as I wormed my way through the knots of workers. I knew I really shouldn't be there...but I didn't care. He was here, he had to be here. I stood on my tip-toes, trying to see over everyone's heads, scanning the crowd for any hint of blue hair or elaborate clothing...
"....Carrie?"
My breath caught in my throat as I turned around. A young man about my age, who was pushing a rack of clothes, was staring at me open-mouthed, a look of disbelief on his face. "Carrie, is that really you? It's been so long!"
"uh...Do I...know you?" The only two people who have ever called me Carrie or Caroline were Miwako and...my eyes widened in shock. "...Isabella?"
He blushed slightly. "It's...Daisuke again."
I smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever. "So you're working here too? Well, I don't mean to sound rude, but can you please tell me where George is, I really need...to..." I drifted off as the cheerful look on his face visibly faded.
"Oh...of course, you...please follow me."
I fell in step behind my old friend as he lead me into one of the back dressing rooms. "Sit," he instructed, waving at the table and chairs in the center of the room as he began taking the costumes from the rack and hanging them on the hooks that lined the walls. Rather bemusedly, I did as he instructed. "So...how have you been? I heard you were marrying that Hiroyuki Tokumori." His voice still sounded flat and lifeless.
Bitter tears stung my eyes at the mention of his name. "We were engaged...unfortunately, both our hearts belonged to different people." An excruciatingly long silence followed this, and I couldn't help myself from blurting it out. "And what about you? Why the...change?"
He sighed, sitting down in the chair across from me. "I...After George, I...couldn't bear to love any other man...so I decided to...stop...being Isabella."
"I felt a growing sense of urgency swelling inside me; a growing sense of panic, of uneasiness. "I...I'm sorry...but George, where is he? Please, I really need to talk to him..."
But Daisuke remained silent, staring solemnly down at his hands.
My heart thudding in my chest, I stood up. "Please!" I slammed my palms down on the table. "Please...where is George? Did something happen? Is he with that Kaori woman now? Did he find someone else?" Silence. "Please tell me! I need to know!" He calmly reached out and covered both my hands with his own. Fearing the worst, I melted, sinking back down into my seat. "Please..!"
He took a deep breath. "When George and I first sailed here on that cruise ship...he kept talking about how much of an inspiration you are to clothing designers, especially him...and how smart you were not to have given up your whole modeling career just to go running off with him to Paris; how you couldn't live on love alone, and that you made the right decision... Though, if you ask me, it seemed like he was still trying to convince himself that. Deep down he was really hurt you chose not to go with him. It showed.
"A few years went by. We both got odd jobs as make-up and hair stylists. He said he was happy, but...he had lost the usual resilliant vigor that made George George. he seemed bored with everything, and I couldn't for the life of me fathom why he had given up the one skill that he had enjoyed so much... Well...with his best interests in mind, of course, I knew a friend who worked for a Broadway producer; he had mentioned once that he was looking for a costume designer, so...I showed him some of George's clothing. It was then, when he exclaimed how beautiful they were and how he would be perfect for the job, that I realized it. The reason he wanted to give up clothing design...was because it reminded him too much of you, Yukari."
Trembling, I could barely breath against the rock hard lump that had formed in my throat.
"George was surprised when I told him, what I had done, but he accepted the job, and...I thought things were finally getting back to normal. His enthusiasm returned, and that brilliant grin was back on his face. It didn't last long, though. He slowly fell back into his depression and began cutting himself off from people. I was his personal assistant, so I worked with him every day. Apparently, I was one of the only three people he would talk to, but even so, he didn't tell me much. One day, I couldn't stand to see him so miserable, so obviously silently suffering...so I asked him what was wrong. He only answered "I'm sad." I asked him why, but he refused to talk about it, so I didn't push it. A couple more years passed, and this became more and more frequent. Every so often, he would say "I'm sad." and when I asked why, he would only smile sadly to himself.
"Together we finished all the costumes, except for one; the last one, the main one. We were up late working on it one night, so close to finishing it, I didn't want to leave until it was done...
"That's when George did it again. "I'm sad." in that same melancholy way. And I said "why?" more out of habit than anything else, not really expecting anything more than that same rueful smile. You can imagine my surprise when he replied, "Because she's not with me." I didn't even have to ask who he was talking about, I knew it was you.
"I told him to get in touch with you, that you would probably appreciate a call. He told me that you were getting married and your husband wouldn't approve..."
Daisuke paused for a moment, then continued, "We needed to get the dress done for the dress rehearsal the next day. All we had left was the beadwork around the sleeves and hem. I easilly finished the sleeves...but George accidentally dropped the thread that held the beads for the hem. They went skittering everywhere...I offered to help gather them up again, to help finish the bottom...but he told me to go home and get some rest, to not worry about it, he would get it done..." His voice wavered a bit and I felt my heart sink like a stone in my chest. "I should have stayed there!" He suddenly yelled. "I shouldn't have left him alone! It's my fault! I could have stopped it..!"
"Stopped what?!" I jumped to my feet once again, two big fat tears rolling their way out of my eyes and down my cheeks. By now I was quite literally screaming in a voice so foreign and hoarse I could scarcely believe it was my own. "What happened?! What happened to George?!"
"The producer called him the next morning to see if he had gotten the dress finished. No one picked up the the phone. I told him George had probably stepped out for a moment and wouldn't mind if we stopped by his apartment to pick up the costume. We waited for a half an hour, then, when George didn't call back, decided to go there ourselves. We rang his doorbell...but nobody answered. So we got the landlord to let us in. There was the dress, on its stand, in front of the door, looking as elegant and perfect as I had imagined it would. The producer was thrilled...but something in the back of my mind told me not everything was right. I went looking through the rest of his apartment in hopes to find any clues to where he had gone..." He stifled a sob. "The bedroom...He was in the bedroom. Sprawled out on the floor. Dead, Yukari. An empty bottle of pills in one hand...and a beaded butterfly ring in the other."
She stared at Him with tears running down both cheeks in a shock,"You've got to be kidding Me...! He cant be dead, i, i....i just dont believe it."
I said my goodbyes to daisuke, and was in the car back to my hotel room. I had no reason to live anymore, my marriage fell apart, the guy i loved and lived for was dead. i'd never forget those days and nights we spent together.
She said quietly to herself,"I need You George...i cant believe you're actually gone..!" as she started to cry histaricly.
she was in such deep thought that she hadnt even noticed that her cell phone was ringing, she had 3 missed calls and 2 voice mails from hiro.
"i need to get a hold of myself, im such a reck"she said to herself as she was looking for her cell phone."wow 3 missed calls..."as she was checking to see who it was her phone began to ring again "she answered hesitantly"*sniffle*..hello?"
"hello?! yukari?!, Its hiro, look im really sorry babe...i made a huge mistake i shouldnt have called off our wedding, i love you i was only jealous about george." when he mentioned him she hung up and started to cry again.
"i, cant take this...."She started straight into the headlights on the other side of the street and started to let go of the steering wheel. she could smell his cologne, everyword george ever spoke flashed into her mind that second..
"Yes," she smirked. "its one of a kind. Isnt it beautiful?"
"It's fine, Just don't wear it on a date." He laughed but it was forced, I could tell. He couldn't hide the annoyance in his voice.
I sighed and wrapped the matching fur shawl around my shoulders. It was Christmas time, Arashi and Miwako had invited us to their house for a little holiday get-together. There was a thin layer of snow on the ground that crunched lightly under our feet as Hiro and I made our way to his red BMW. "I can't wait to see Alice, she's growing into such a beautiful young lady," I spoke, uncomfortable in the awkward silence. "And Erica is looking more and more like Arashi every day!"
Hiroyuki slid into the driver's seat next to me, that irritated look still on his face. "She'd be so much cuter if she looked like Miwako, since she's a girl."
I could feel myself getting aggrivated as well. "You're just jelous that Arashi took Miwako away from you."
"Yes I am," he admitted without hesitation. "And I probably will be for the rest of my life." Yes, even after nearly twenty years, he's still mad at his once best friend for ending up with the girl he had once loved. Because he was still in love with her. We're getting married in one month, and we're both still in love with other people. Even I could tell it wasn't going to last.
One week after Arashi and Miwako's party, Hiro finally voiced the doubt I had been feeling for so long. I told him I agreed with him, and two days later he had completely moved out of the house.
He left me the tickets, though, to the Broadway show we had been planning to go to on our honeymoon. He told me I could take anyone I wanted, but of course I'd be going alone. The single person I would ever consider taking was already there.
I was twenty-eight, my marriage fell apart before it really even could begin, my modeling career, it seems, is slowly nearing its end... Only one thing could make the world right again.
I flew to America the day before the show, but I went to the Broadway Hall the moment I arrived. He would be there, I was sure of it, checking to make sure all his costumes were okay, and everything was in order. I knew he would be, because I knew him. Even after eleven years, my memories of him had not faded even slightly. I still remembered perfectly the sight of his blue hair and piercing eyes, the smell of his cologne, the sound of his voice that echoed relentlessly around in my head.
"Because you're so beautiful, Yukari."
"I'm proud that you're my girlfriend."
"It's nice to have everyone admire someone you love."
"I'm sad unless you're with me."
"Do you think I'm falling in love with you?"
Thinking back now on all those things, I realize how foolish I had been, how absolutely positively stupid I was not to have said yes, not to have jumped into his arms screaming "Of course I'll go with you!"
But stubborn me had to refuse. I had it set in Japan, I was just so afraid of having to start over in a whole different country...And that fear blinded me. What good did it do me to be a successful, well-known model if I was completely empty on the inside? Just a shell for people to gawk at?
There was no insentive for me to keep living, yet...at the same time, there was every insentive in the world. I would find him, I would be with him. I would fix the biggest mistake of my life.
Of course, the theatre was packed with bustling people, setting up for tomorrow's performance. I got many rude glances as I wormed my way through the knots of workers. I knew I really shouldn't be there...but I didn't care. He was here, he had to be here. I stood on my tip-toes, trying to see over everyone's heads, scanning the crowd for any hint of blue hair or elaborate clothing...
"....Carrie?"
My breath caught in my throat as I turned around. A young man about my age, who was pushing a rack of clothes, was staring at me open-mouthed, a look of disbelief on his face. "Carrie, is that really you? It's been so long!"
"uh...Do I...know you?" The only two people who have ever called me Carrie or Caroline were Miwako and...my eyes widened in shock. "...Isabella?"
He blushed slightly. "It's...Daisuke again."
I smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever. "So you're working here too? Well, I don't mean to sound rude, but can you please tell me where George is, I really need...to..." I drifted off as the cheerful look on his face visibly faded.
"Oh...of course, you...please follow me."
I fell in step behind my old friend as he lead me into one of the back dressing rooms. "Sit," he instructed, waving at the table and chairs in the center of the room as he began taking the costumes from the rack and hanging them on the hooks that lined the walls. Rather bemusedly, I did as he instructed. "So...how have you been? I heard you were marrying that Hiroyuki Tokumori." His voice still sounded flat and lifeless.
Bitter tears stung my eyes at the mention of his name. "We were engaged...unfortunately, both our hearts belonged to different people." An excruciatingly long silence followed this, and I couldn't help myself from blurting it out. "And what about you? Why the...change?"
He sighed, sitting down in the chair across from me. "I...After George, I...couldn't bear to love any other man...so I decided to...stop...being Isabella."
"I felt a growing sense of urgency swelling inside me; a growing sense of panic, of uneasiness. "I...I'm sorry...but George, where is he? Please, I really need to talk to him..."
But Daisuke remained silent, staring solemnly down at his hands.
My heart thudding in my chest, I stood up. "Please!" I slammed my palms down on the table. "Please...where is George? Did something happen? Is he with that Kaori woman now? Did he find someone else?" Silence. "Please tell me! I need to know!" He calmly reached out and covered both my hands with his own. Fearing the worst, I melted, sinking back down into my seat. "Please..!"
He took a deep breath. "When George and I first sailed here on that cruise ship...he kept talking about how much of an inspiration you are to clothing designers, especially him...and how smart you were not to have given up your whole modeling career just to go running off with him to Paris; how you couldn't live on love alone, and that you made the right decision... Though, if you ask me, it seemed like he was still trying to convince himself that. Deep down he was really hurt you chose not to go with him. It showed.
"A few years went by. We both got odd jobs as make-up and hair stylists. He said he was happy, but...he had lost the usual resilliant vigor that made George George. he seemed bored with everything, and I couldn't for the life of me fathom why he had given up the one skill that he had enjoyed so much... Well...with his best interests in mind, of course, I knew a friend who worked for a Broadway producer; he had mentioned once that he was looking for a costume designer, so...I showed him some of George's clothing. It was then, when he exclaimed how beautiful they were and how he would be perfect for the job, that I realized it. The reason he wanted to give up clothing design...was because it reminded him too much of you, Yukari."
Trembling, I could barely breath against the rock hard lump that had formed in my throat.
"George was surprised when I told him, what I had done, but he accepted the job, and...I thought things were finally getting back to normal. His enthusiasm returned, and that brilliant grin was back on his face. It didn't last long, though. He slowly fell back into his depression and began cutting himself off from people. I was his personal assistant, so I worked with him every day. Apparently, I was one of the only three people he would talk to, but even so, he didn't tell me much. One day, I couldn't stand to see him so miserable, so obviously silently suffering...so I asked him what was wrong. He only answered "I'm sad." I asked him why, but he refused to talk about it, so I didn't push it. A couple more years passed, and this became more and more frequent. Every so often, he would say "I'm sad." and when I asked why, he would only smile sadly to himself.
"Together we finished all the costumes, except for one; the last one, the main one. We were up late working on it one night, so close to finishing it, I didn't want to leave until it was done...
"That's when George did it again. "I'm sad." in that same melancholy way. And I said "why?" more out of habit than anything else, not really expecting anything more than that same rueful smile. You can imagine my surprise when he replied, "Because she's not with me." I didn't even have to ask who he was talking about, I knew it was you.
"I told him to get in touch with you, that you would probably appreciate a call. He told me that you were getting married and your husband wouldn't approve..."
Daisuke paused for a moment, then continued, "We needed to get the dress done for the dress rehearsal the next day. All we had left was the beadwork around the sleeves and hem. I easilly finished the sleeves...but George accidentally dropped the thread that held the beads for the hem. They went skittering everywhere...I offered to help gather them up again, to help finish the bottom...but he told me to go home and get some rest, to not worry about it, he would get it done..." His voice wavered a bit and I felt my heart sink like a stone in my chest. "I should have stayed there!" He suddenly yelled. "I shouldn't have left him alone! It's my fault! I could have stopped it..!"
"Stopped what?!" I jumped to my feet once again, two big fat tears rolling their way out of my eyes and down my cheeks. By now I was quite literally screaming in a voice so foreign and hoarse I could scarcely believe it was my own. "What happened?! What happened to George?!"
"The producer called him the next morning to see if he had gotten the dress finished. No one picked up the the phone. I told him George had probably stepped out for a moment and wouldn't mind if we stopped by his apartment to pick up the costume. We waited for a half an hour, then, when George didn't call back, decided to go there ourselves. We rang his doorbell...but nobody answered. So we got the landlord to let us in. There was the dress, on its stand, in front of the door, looking as elegant and perfect as I had imagined it would. The producer was thrilled...but something in the back of my mind told me not everything was right. I went looking through the rest of his apartment in hopes to find any clues to where he had gone..." He stifled a sob. "The bedroom...He was in the bedroom. Sprawled out on the floor. Dead, Yukari. An empty bottle of pills in one hand...and a beaded butterfly ring in the other."
She stared at Him with tears running down both cheeks in a shock,"You've got to be kidding Me...! He cant be dead, i, i....i just dont believe it."
I said my goodbyes to daisuke, and was in the car back to my hotel room. I had no reason to live anymore, my marriage fell apart, the guy i loved and lived for was dead. i'd never forget those days and nights we spent together.
She said quietly to herself,"I need You George...i cant believe you're actually gone..!" as she started to cry histaricly.
she was in such deep thought that she hadnt even noticed that her cell phone was ringing, she had 3 missed calls and 2 voice mails from hiro.
"i need to get a hold of myself, im such a reck"she said to herself as she was looking for her cell phone."wow 3 missed calls..."as she was checking to see who it was her phone began to ring again "she answered hesitantly"*sniffle*..hello?"
"hello?! yukari?!, Its hiro, look im really sorry babe...i made a huge mistake i shouldnt have called off our wedding, i love you i was only jealous about george." when he mentioned him she hung up and started to cry again.
"i, cant take this...."She started straight into the headlights on the other side of the street and started to let go of the steering wheel. she could smell his cologne, everyword george ever spoke flashed into her mind that second..
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