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Now, a lot of people question my beliefs… and with good reason, they are indeed convoluted, and I only half understand what they are. I just know what I believe and don’t. We’ll start with love… now, you may or may not have heard me going on and on about how I don’t believe in love and eternity and all that jazz… which is true, to a point. But, I’ve discovered, it’s impossible to live in this world, and fervently deny it’s existence. It’s like being an atheist, but you’re surrounded by believers ALL DAY who talk about it all the time. I’ve never had so much sympathy.
And I do talk to people all the time, claiming they’re in love, and they’re my friends. I can’t openly declare ‘well, you’re not in love’ because they aren’t my feelings, I really don’t know. I just don’t believe that I am capable of love, or ever really achieving true happiness. It’s like communism; I love (there’s that word again) the concept, on paper, and in theory, but I can’t o it. It is too idealistic.
Same with love. It’s supposed to be perfect and pure and happy… I don’t think humans and myself specifically are capable of that.
This is my definition of love; an emotion so pure and true, that humans can rarely grasp it. And if, on the off chance they do somehow manage to wrap their fingers around it, perish immediately, as to not blemish it’s beauty.
Something to always chase and never catch, seems to me a bit like the long defeat in the lord of the rings… they keep going not because they will survive, or because they will defeat evil forever, the keep going because it’s the right thing to do. Even though humans will never truly love or become eternal, they always chase it… because they know no other way. There is no overcoming evil, there is only resisting it.
And here is where I fall in… I have thought this topic through time and time again before coming to this conclusion… in many ways I am an optimist, I somehow manage to ignore the bad and go on with the good in most situations… but when you scrape down to my very core, I am a pessimist. When things are going well for me, I expect them to fall apart at any given moment… and I’m always afraid that I’ll be the cause. I don’t think I will ever really achieve true happiness, or true love… also because, I’m not sure there is one fundamental truth.
I’m not sure of a lot of things, but this is just me trying to make sense of the world around me, and get people to stop asking me these sorts of annoying questions when I say ‘I’m not in love… I don’t believe in it’ and then they ask ‘how can you say that?’
Well, this is how I can say, that I, Mia Douchant, being of sound mind and body, on this day November the seventh of the year two thousand and six… do not believe and cannot begin to understand the concept you humans call love.
MissingInAction · Wed Nov 08, 2006 @ 02:10am · 0 Comments |
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