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I am going to write for a while. It will help me clear my head and get some of my problems solved hopefully. I feel hopeless this weekend and for some reason I dont feel like being around the people who can help me. I just want to be alone, I miss being alone, truely alone. This summer changed me and I havent yet figured out if its a good thing or a bad thing. Im a lot stronger now but im also a lot colder when I have to be and for me thats not a good thing. I've tried cheering myself up with foamy the squirrel but it wont make me laugh today. I've managed to cut open a part of my gum somehow and am sitting her tasteing blood and not really caring about it. My mouth doesent hurt, it feels kind of numb. Im listening to A.F.I. and its making me think more and for once I cant sing along cause it doesent help me. Tommorrow im saposed to go get rent movies and maybe buy a game and that doesent make me happy either. I cant figure out whats troubleing me, I dont ever feel like myself anymore unless im with one of my good friends. I guess you could say its depression, but I had that over the summer and it doesent feel the same, i feel numb not sad. My only hope is waiting for monday when I might get to see one of my friends who was sick all this week because for some reason he seems to be able to really get me and know how to help me. He knows when to just shut up and listen and when to talk and interupt me and not let me talk. He seems to know what to say and how to say it and seems to know what I want and need. I dunno what to do right now, nothing seems right. I guess all I really can do is to keep moving on and keep the promise that I made to my friend. Nothing can happen to that promise, if it all ends I dont want her to suffer because im foolish. God now im just ranting. Im ending this now. I was going to write a poem but now it seems useless.
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