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i know someone is going to read this and yes i know some won't care but still what im feeling has to be said. and don't worry things IRL won't affect my GAIAN PERSONALY so this is it...

my life has changed to dramatically since i started having an online life. my hearts is no different. i've loved and lusted over so many. not until that dark turning point in my life did i realize i have nothing to give but my heart to the one person i've love so much. sadly that person has turned away from me because of my one and most critical mistake of my life. i did wrong...so wrong. i wish i would have died that day. i truly wish i did. because what i did deserved death truly. i wish she could forgive me for all i did. i wish with all my being. but it would never happen. i think of her every waking moment and every dying breath i make. some day i will see her but what i will do during my visit i have no idea. likewise for after. i lived a life of no point. no purpose till i met her. and now she is gone i don't know want to do. i fear to love again. the pain, sorrow and agony i caused. i don't want to hurt another. but how i am...i struggle everyday.

i could have loved another. i had so many chances, i did. but the thought of hurting another...i couldn't go though. i knew she liked me liked me from the start. but she is going away and i won't see her again.

my life is a maze it's ******** up. and i get lost every time. wrong turn and im ********. and not in a good way either. my choices i have none my opinions don't matter. so why do i live this life? my am i here? i want to love someone. but what i want doesn't matter. im nothing. i'll smile no more. my laughter a memory. my life was bliss in pain.

-xander012, uesen, (jonathan alipio)
please comment i need guidance