So, I feel once again like I can't handle human interactions at all. This time, I don't feel like I can trust anyone. I doubt myself on everything and on love trust especially. I tend to fall only for people that stand the most to harm me somehow and I really don't want to end up in these situations. I tend to listen to what others want more than what I do. So I will just keep healing and let them eventually drown in their own hypocrisy when they realize exactly what they did to themselves and to me and to each other. Honestly I just want people to not be like this in general. I'm broken beyond simple repairs this time and I just want to heal to an extent I can feel that sweet emotion I wanted most for so very long. I can't even properly feel it beyond protect. Which is how I figured out that those emotions I thought I felt for Chandler were actually just an obligation to protect him from ending up with my triggers and crippling anxieties. Oh yes and I once again don't know who to trust in friend groups...