Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Everyone in my household is unemployed currently for different reasons, each one ultimately tracing back to the Corona virus. I'm generally pretty good at blocking out what goes on outside my home. I've worked from home since forever and I avoid the news like the plague, but ironically a plague finally caught up to me and my sedentary lifestyle.

Things were barely stable this year, but after my mother lost her job (thanks to a car accident that wasn't her fault) we've had it much MUCH worse. With no money coming in and 4 mouths to feed, it's been up to me to keep things afloat with the little money that I make from commissions (as well as the contributions I've received on ko-fi).

This past week I've lost about 7 pounds just from the lack of food. As of today, we've only got enough food for one more meal. I'm feeling so weak that I can barely pick up a pen to work on my final commission, let alone anything else.

If that weren't enough, my depression has chosen to hit hard at the worst of times. I know if I just got some exercise I could allevate it, but I just can't muster the energy. I'm reminded of my childhood, when we were homeless and the only way to stave off the hunger pains was to try to sleep through it.

I wish I could explain to my commissioner why I'm late on producing the work they intend to pay for, but god knows my fear of looking pathetic won't let me. I truly hate this, but in some way I accept it as punishment for the years I spent wallowing in lethargy and unwilling to do anything to change or improve.

I know that I deserve this. I just pray that it doesn't get any worse.