As ungrateful as this may sound, I hate that I get so much attention for my appearance. I hate the pressure when I take selfies to look a certain way simply for the pleasing of Instagram followers. I hate that guys look at me and feel as if it's okay to judge my body. "She has a fat a**, but..." as if I'm supposed to ******** swoon and fall head-over-heels for them.

And I do understand that a nice appearance leads to discovering nice personality but at the same time, my physical features shouldn't be the main factor in someone being interested in knowing more about me. Can't they be flattered by how I play my violin or something? How I prefer to get lost in books rather than navigate my way into conversations about things I don't care about?

I'm probably being unrealistic, as guys are typically this way anyway and I've yet to be proven wrong.

Relatedly, this is why I'm on Gaia so much. You get your pixel lil avis and exort your personality through conversation, then your appearance comes afterwards. (Ofc there's a double standard but you get the idea).

I'm tired of relationships. And I wish it'd rain.