Caelum looked about the small, firelit chamber of his room that had been transformed into the chapel he lived in as a child. The scent of burning elder wood permeated the room. The fleecy soft lambswool blanket that she always wrapped around herself to keep warm looking all the more inviting.
"Mother..." his voice cracked as he saw her turn around and smile before speaking to him, "Shay! I missed you.."
"And I miss you," he said, somehow not moving yet crossing the threshold of the church and coddling himself into her arms. He held onto her close, feeling her vitality, the warmth of her body, and just how safe and secure he always felt whenever she held him like this. "Promise you won't run off like that again. I cannot bear to lose you, even for a brief moment."Caelum sucked in his breath. His mother's scent dilated his nostrils and set his heart to hammering. Her silken hair floated like a cloud, brushing is cheek, soothing the wounds on his face with the lightest touch. But he tried to push her away. Something was wrong. She resisted, her strength greater than his.
Her body turned cold where once it had been alive.
"Mother, what is wrong?"
"Nothing can be wrong."
Using his full strength, he succeeded in pushing her from him. Her face was twisted into one of stark terror. "Don't let me go, Shay. Don't hurt me!" Cael's own heart sank. "Hurt you? I would kill anyone to protect you!" He lifted his hand. A sword dripping with blood thrust forward. His hand circled the hilt, slippery with the life fluids of his enemies, but it was not his will directing the thrust. The coppery scent off blood, the sudden glean of reflected firelight from the blade, the perfect balance and the keen edge...
...And Caelum screamed in agony as he thrust forward, gutting his mother. Yeul gripped the sword where it penetrated her belly, cutting her fingers on the edge. The blood of his mother mixed with that of the warriors he had slain. She looked from the blade splitting her to his shocked face, reaching for him, injured fingers red with her own blood. Anguish flooded his senses when he realized what he had done.
Then the screams of rage and fear were snuffed out. The only sound to be heard was the dripping of his mother's blood on the floor. He jerked away and the sword pulled free from its fleshy berth, sending a gory arc of her blood and organs outward. A bit was flung onto the candles of the chapel, where it sizzled and popped. And then came total silence, except for a singular voice.
The voice of a small boy.
"What have you done?"
"I-," Caelum spoke out to the child version of himself who had been standing at the same doorway he just stepped through.
"She's dead. You murder her! How could you?" Small fists hammered at his armor. He was glad in full battle gear, and Shay attacked with the full fury of a frightened, angered child.
He swung his sword. His muscles bunched as he tried to stay the blow. He could not. The pommel struck the child in the temple, knocking him down. "I did not mean this!" Caelum stepped forward, graves clanking and his body armor grating. The reflection from his swords filled his vision and then blinded him.
Rage exploded when he heard a mocking voice.
That's right. Ignore the pain. Bury it deep inside. Let me fester - let me rot.
The swords, one in each hand, slashed out, but it was Shay and not the apparition who died. The little boy perished in a welter of blood and sobs damning him, crying out for his mother, now dead also by his hand. And the rage and loss exploded within his brain so that he spun about and saw ...a dark figure.
"I will kill you!"
-----------------------
"I didn't know I was killing them... Please, come back, " Caelum said, seeking to stop the nocturnal torment the only way he knew, but he swung his blades at emptiness. He again stood on a barren plain that stretched flat in all directions. The more he tried to fight, the heavier the swords became, and when his muscles no longer responded, he sank to knees and bowed his head. Caelum wept.
And in the distance he heard soft whispers of concern.
"He cries in his sleep."
"How is that possible?"
"He sheds no tears for those he has slain in battle. Perhaps he-"
Caelum came awake with a start. It took him long seconds to realize he clutched a lovely woman by the throat. Her slender fingers trying to free herself were no match for his powerful grip. Without realizing he was doing so, he had started to crush the life from her body. "Please. Lord Caelum, do not kill her, " came the impassioned plea from the other side of his large bed. "She seeks only to serve you, not offend!"
Caelum released the death grip. The woman he had almost killed fell across his bare legs as she gasped for breath. He sat up and stared at her twitching body. She wore a thin garment of pale green silk that revealed her voluptuous curves. Struggling, she rolled off his legs, clutching her throat. The fiery red marks stood out in bold relief where his fingers had crushed into alabaster skin. Despite the nearness of death, the woman showed no fear of meeting it. Caelum read something different there, another emotion that infuriated him.
Let her be afraid. He was a Murderer. His enemies cowered before him!
But she showed pity for him. For him! The Executioner of the Church!
"The dreams again, my lord? They still torture you? How may I ease your burden?" she moved to push away the sheets covering his midsection. Her hot breath touched his belly and lower. Then there were two. The other concubine, the one who had begged for him to release the death grip, sought to him him pleasure, also.
"Away," he roared. "Get away from me!"
"We seek only your comfort, Lord Caelum. We want to do whatever we can to soothe your troubles-- and to replaced them with delight. Let us do your bidding and-" Caelum swung his brawny forearm and sent both women tumbling away. They muttered to themselves. He stood, thin vestiges of his dream fading quickly until he found it difficult to remember exactly what had happened. A black pain. A cave that became a mountain and then something else. His head threatened to explode from trying to to remember that encounter.
But he had no trouble remembering the feel of his sword driving into Yeul's body or the terror and loathing on his own childish face as he killed him, also. The nightmares were as permanent as the sky and earth and the throne the king sat upon.
"I'm not going to let you take over me," Caelum said, hands squeezed tightly into fists that could have crushed bone."Not for a moment. Not for a moment!"
"Master, please. We seek only to do your bidding. Tell us how!" The two women threw themselves at his feet. He kicked them away, went to the table where his armor was laid out with his simple clothing, clothing befitting a warrior, and quickly dressed. When the women came to aid him, he drove them back with a dark glare. They huddled together, watching him.
He felt pity radiating from them like heat from the sun itself. He hated them for that. He hated himself all the more for ever believing there was redemption. With a final jerk, he strapped his armor and settled two swords along his waist.
Caelum stormed from his sleeping chamber.
