I have read so many articles concerning the terrible thoughts about needing to expose trauma details for your t, although I hope this isn't totally insane. I am coping with almost the other.
I've several 'issues' that I am aware of from an emotionally/verbally abusive stepfather to an adult that I trusted being a maternal figure that later revealed she'd other suggestions for the relationship in high-school... Then what is daily becoming more of the certainty that I have repressed very early punishment (I have always had terrors but am not hearing his and my speech in my head and it isn't nice change of words)... I have NEVER told details of any one of this stuff. I have mentioned to 2 people who "anything" happened with this particular person that was the extent and I trusted. Photographs, short movie in my mind of those I remember and today these voices of what I think plague me.
Does this sound right to ANYBODY? I know I'd be VERY embaressed to state the things I'd have to and I hope it isnot something ill building me want to... But I'm so worried we'll spend years because he thinks I'm scared tiptoeing round the facts and I am seriously wanting to spill the beans. I hope I could tell him this, however it isn't allowed.
I am dealing with at and also have found that I am unable to tell him SOMETHING if he does not ask. I have told him this and he's great at wanting to ask me questions. The problem is, I also can not tell him things to ask. it is similar to I am not allowed to simply freely tell things but I'm allowed to answer, although I understand it may seem totally crazy. He has gone forward and backward about 'handling' trauma and then I think I'm so quiet about I want to talk, but cannot things happening he doesn't think they starts to think we have to go another direction and are. I get so disappointed once I hear him discuss not addressing the stress exclusively and get really depressed and want to quit hope about ever getting relief. I can't tell him that although it is like I AM AWARE I've to obtain these details out. I think he's also worried I can not manage dealing with the trauma directly because of my anxiety attacks, but I really donot know how to adjust any one of this. He discusses injury as possible and wanting to get it done with as small depth and that I have learn about all these new solutions to cope with PTSD without detailed processing, but I want it so bad.
