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Someone said that older messages are getting deleted in the new PM system so I came to check on mine.

I know you don't think much of me for hiding out and not talking to my friends, but I can't face them anymore. My health is getting better... it's true, but my situation is still a mess. Until I can work things out it's best if I'm not here. I hate it, but I tried to stay for months and months and it just made things worse. I loved talking to Stacey... but it became too much for me. I just can't be reminded about all the things I'm losing. I can't think about it, it's just too hard. I've spent my years avoiding the reality of my situation to make it this far. I had to do this. I had to. How else do you expect someone in my situation to get by? Do you realize I've had to spend all my money on doctors every week for the past few years?

It's so frustrating knowing living in a world where you have to be denied the most basic things that everyone else has.

To me you're lucky.



And if you think I'm being "emo" or too deep or whatever then PM me and I'll show you what I wrote in my personal journal the last two days. Just because I choose to write like this sometimes shouldn't make you ignore what's really going on. If you want more personal, more details and to the point, ask me and I'll show you.