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More so on this one that the other journal since there are some things I simply don't wish to share with certain friends or 'him' (should be clear enough who that is maybe, maybe not since I didn't post here through all that trauma & drama back in 2012-2013. For some reason hubby has the Karimoon profile's journal rss feeded & reads it every now & then.....thought men hated to read female diaries/journals bc we're so gosh darn sappy, grotesquely detailed, whiny, filled with drama....the list goes on. rofflmao
That's how he was keeping up with me while we were broken up eerily enough, if you didn't already believe he was a creeper, & to my great surprise.
I thought once he found out about the abortion (in the past & done don't even bother with chides or pro-life bullshit, it's done & the past isn't changing there was a reason. don't like it move the ******** on to someone elses journal to read) he'd just simply wipe my memory from his existence & have nothing to do with me, which is what I originally wanted to never exist again to him. I hated him after all for everything he put me through, it's what I tried so very hard to do & obviously failed hardcore at.
Coming close to my birthday & Christmas (2013) things just got really rough for me jobs were getting rough & stupid, people driven of course, I was almost homeless, couldn't afford to eat properly, didn't want to preferred to drink constantly etc. I got uber weak & started missing him terribly for all the good times we had, the times he hadn't been a complete a** or abusive, the times we were happy & everything was as it should be. I was crying myself to sleep some nights, had nightmares constantly, & all I had was the support of 1 friend because ya know I had to let all the others go, he was all I had left... well my one bestie I wasn't going to trouble her she's such an angel I don't have the heart to be so down with her...

Anywho made it through that period of sorrow & went back to my original college in January to finish what I started in 2008. Classes weren't going too bad, I was pretty focused despite both jobs getting in the way & people being lazy not wanting to show up, but I kept going in & out of depression. I couldn't pin point why but sometimes it was about him. Eventually I snapped after having a really bad dream trip & I was just at this lowest point ever. I've seriously never been that low in my life.

That's when he contacted me for the first time in what seemed eternity.

It was uncouth & rather rude since he didn't immediately apologize lol. He claimed to want to have just one last sexual encounter with me in exchange for a plane ticket to Japan. I believe it was a complete front & really he missed me terribly...I was pissed at him but at the same time I missed him, at least the positive things, so damn badly it was making me stupid/blind/retarded whatever you wish to call it.
He apologized after I cursed him out upon the first message & the rest is history. He had finally learned his lesson & turned his ways around. I agreed to see him again & here we are, January 2015, 1 little boy on the way any day now, stubborn as hell as today is 6 days over due! gonk

We're not having the same problems like before, normal couple stuff but not to those extremes before, & he certainly isn't the same person I broke up with. I love him so much & I know he loves me too.

Now to why I really logged on this morning almost a whole hour ago actually lmfao
to be cruelly honest about my pregnancy ordeal & re-post this bit I posted on some sarcastic, satire, I-wanna-be-out-there-&-holier-than-thou blog website ran by some moomy
"Currently pregnant, going on 4th day over due date (I was upon original posting), am miserable with aches & itching, & hated every moment of this "oh so joyous occasion" while everyone else has been happy as a high damn kite. "Oh it's worth it" my mind: 'STFU already unless you can see the future to know he won't turn out a f*%up. If you're so happy YOU carry IT!' Never expected this to be easy, painless etc. it's actually worse than I imagined to my surprise! Infertile or miscarry would've been lucky to me, screw this crap, I only did it bc I love my hubby too much for my own good. Had no intentions of ever getting pregnant until him & now I have no intentions of ever doing it again. PERIOD. Already knew it was a mistake, i'm not a kid person, just gotta make it through the next 18-19 yrs.
I'm not afraid of someone elses opinion of how I should feel what're they gonna do punish me HA HA.
I've said to anyone "damn can't wait to drink again i'll have bottles for at least 3 days pumped before I even make it out the hospital & be drinking again before I've been in postpartum for 24hrs (not counting on c-section). I expect my hospital visitor gifts to be something at least 10% alcohol by volume or they can wait until I visit them. Never heard of people pressuring preggos to drink this is a first, but wtf some people are just plain stupid like that can't help 'em. My own DH was the one to say it's ok to take a little sip & I said nah to him though I was soooo wanting it. I don't care if I rip my vag or poop at this point this little mofo needs to gtfo of me right now he already owes me over $900 in utero backrent....i'll take it out his allowance & b-day money the next few years rofflmao yep I sure am a biotch one that never wanted kids anyways. XD