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Twonk's Twaddle
My rants, complaints, and random everyday stuff.
Marriages? Really? (Just another dumb rant from me. :D)
I have to wonder how this idiotic and sad idea came to be.

Did the Mensa Club that is Gaia come together and think "Ooh, we can have marriages between avatars!" Was that just a sheer moment of brilliance that hit one of the Mensa-ites as they and the rest of their intelligent ilk sat around a table and used very little effort to brainstorm ideas? An epiphany of glorious revelations?

Or was this something that was so asked for by the mind workers that spend hours of their sad and miserable lives on this site that the Mensa Club of Gaia just had to go through with this request and make it reality?

Did these people of which us low life peasants could only dream of being have a spark of retarded thought? "Wouldn't it be like so totally awesome if my avi and my online boyfriends/girlfriends avi, since I'm so pathetic that I don't have a real boyfriend/girlfriend, just one I've met on this magnificent site, but it's true love serious you guys stop hating!, could get married like in real life and stuff, omfg?!"

Or was it just a brain fart by the Mensa Club of Gaia? One of the chosen brilliant having uttered a simple bleat of "Everyone else is doing it."

And, in response to this bleat, the rest of the table gasped in horror, staring wide-eyed at the sheep, their rigid hands gripping, almost clawing, at the edge of the table as they pushed themselves away from the Normal One, afraid that whatever disease ailed him would taint their beautiful brain molecules and render them stupid.

"Wait a second," one then said, their hands relaxing, sweaty fingers releasing themselves from the tables edge, lungs releasing once-bated breath as they realized all was right in the world. "That's all we ******** do is steal s**t from other people. Why the ******** not?"

More gasps, but these ones more thoughtful; more hesitant; more airy.

"Avatar marriages it is, then," said the Mensa Club leader as he stood and stared down with passion, with fire, burning in his eyes, glowering at his lowly members, who had no choice but to agree with their master.

Because yes, in reality, that is what all of us wanted. We so wished we could have our avatars marry other avatars. It was the one thing that was missing from our pitiful existence. It was the one thing that would elevate us from Insufficient Retard to Full On ******** Retarded Ameba.

Our life cycle is now complete.

We can now die knowing that we have achieved all we have wished to achieve.

Climb Mount Everest? Find a cure for cancer? Win the Nobel Peace Prize? Tch, ******** that s**t. My avi is marrying my online lovers/lovers/husbands/wifes/best friends/mules avi. Life dreams? Accomplished. All that's left is to wait for Death's cold hand to take me.

I do love the thought that people have been putting into this, though:

"To address a few of the common questions: Yes there would be a divorce feature, Yes same-sex marriages would be allowed, Yes you'd be able to display the relationship in the forums, Yes we'd include a wedding-themed Flash space, No you couldn't share accounts/items, and Not Sure on different relationship types, multiple marriages, or age restrictions."

Haha, "common questions".

Divorce feature? So, does your married, soon to be divorced, avi lose half of what they own to their husband/wife? Is there a lawyer system set in place for these divorces? How many people will kill themselves once their fake husband/wife voice that they wish for a divorce? Hopefully a lot.

Same-sex marriages. Of course this will be a feature. Same-sex marriage is, as everyone knows, the discussion at the "cool kids" table. And if you don't agree then you're nothing but a hating homophobe religious zealot -insert more overused and retarded phrases here-! Tolerance!! Don't force your views on me, but you have to accept gays because tolerance and s**t!11!!1 Tch, ******** off, assholes....

Ooh, displaying the relationship status in forums? For all to see? As if anyone else gives a rats a** about who's married to who? Oh joy.

Wedding-themed Flash space? No ******** idea what that even means. Tch, I'm such an intolerant h8er Luddite.

Sharing accounts and items? What do people think this is? Real life? ******** idiots...

"Not Sure on different relationship types, multiple marriages, or age restrictions." Why is it written "Not Sure"? And seriously, morons, it's ******** pixels. Let the self-centered, immature, liberal tards have their dream wish to have a ******** furry paradise harem if they want. It's. Not. ********. Real. Age restrictions? Please. A Gaia avatar marriage holds as much legality as two kids on the playground exchanging toy rings and saying "We're married." And if you don't have multiple marriages then you're just hating on the Muslims. Islamaphobes!!

The real unanswered question that I see was not included in the cream of the crop of "common" questions is: How will the Cash Shop play into this whole lame marriage thing?

Can one buy fancy shmancy wedding dresses for the cheap price of twenty bucks? What about a tuxedo for fifteen? And if we buy it all in a bundle will there be a discount? But wait, there's more?!

I'm sure this was answered in the super duper special input thread they made, but there is no way I'm venturing into that pit of retard.

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