I even came up with a description:
Quote:
Young Tobias Knocknees always wanted to be a pirate. It had been his greatest aspiration, ever since he was but a child...but, unfortunately for him, the era of the pirates was long gone. It was the year 2006, and instead of receiving oaths of loyalty from those he met, everyone would just point at him and laugh. In denial of this he refused to dress as was normal for the time, choosing instead to wear a flamboyant pirate costume every day. This would cost him dearly, however, for at the gas station he worked he one day tripped over his obscenely long scarf and fell headfirst into a tire which had been lying around. The gel in his hair, which had not yet dried, quickly solidified under the hot sun while he rolled around and shouted incoherently. Once Tobias made it to a hospital, it was too late; the tire and his hair had forever become one, fused by hair gel. Thus, he was stuck with a tire on his head for the remainder of his life. After being fired from the gas station for causing several explosions (alas, the tire covered his eyes and so he was as good as blind) he had to resort to begging for money merely to live. Grabbing a cane from the nearest old lady he could find (he was still a pirate, by god, and he wasn't going to be nice no matter what), he used it to beat up a hobo and steal the cup which the hobo had been using to beg for money. He now stumbles blindly through the streets, using his cane to find his way around as best he can, raising the cup and begging whenever he hears someone nearby.
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