Seeing a forum about thigh gaps Reading something about "thinspo" Curiosity taking over, I Google it "It's purely seeing what this is" I tell myselg The pictures showing thin bodies, not unlike the one I had Suddenly wishing I had that again Clicking out of that, banishing the dark thoughts Reading about how so many love tiny thigh gaps Not being able to help myself, I check and see I don't have one My thighs are huge in my eyes, my stomach looking pudgy Deep inside my mind I know I'm thin But right now I don't see it, every bit of possible fat is accentuated
Looking up pro-ana and pro-mia thing Chanting to myself it's just research Seeing more and more skinny bodies, making me want it even more The ounce of control I had disappears "One bowl of ice cream won't hurt" I think to myself The self-loathing rearing it's ugly head in the form of hunger Not long after I find myself kneeling in front of the toilet Stomach churning, toothbrush in hand But nothing will come up Some time passes with nothing, I force myself to give up
Curiosity takes ahold once again I once again look up pro-mia but this time tips Finding how to purge The best foods to purge The hardest things to come back up I can feel an obsession starting, but don't try to stop myself Pro-ana tips next, taking it all in The need to be a size one taking over Maybe even a size zero again
Seeing dinner I know I can't skip a meal, or purge it I eat as little as possible Hating every bite of the steak and fries And yet relishing it at the same time All I want is to be a size one
Poisoned Plum · Wed Jun 27, 2012 @ 04:30am · 0 Comments |