It seriously is. After everything he's put me through, after all I've suffered without him just because he decided to leave me behind, I still find myself willing to jump through hoops on an off chance.

Maybe I'm weak, maybe I am no better than those stupid girls I make fun of for engaging in unhealthy on-again off-again relationships. Maybe I really am the exception...though I doubt it.

The thing about it is, it's not even his idea. It's mine. He might not even want me and here I am...sacrificing everything, hurting everyone... and it might all be for nothing if he tosses me aside. If he has someone else. If we're no longer happy together... I know I'm a new person, what if he is as well?

Why do I always drive myself crazy wanting the same things? If it worked out, if it was ever going to work out for me, it would have by now, at least it would have with him. So why am I even considering this? Answer: I'm an idiot.