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So far life has been good, things in life have been changing except for me finding old comments on Brianna's wall of my boyfriend telling her that he loves her, even though they were old comments it still hurt me preety bad. I felt like crying for days on end and I couldn't stand the feeling especially reliving the days of both my boyfriend and her torturing me on facebook when I used to be single it was the hardest thing in life to deal with and all I can remember is felling so alone back then i remember the pain was so unbearable that I wanted to just not be alive anymore, idk I am just glad I no longer have to deal with that pain anymore it was just to hard to live through all of it, but now that I am with Heath I feel a lot better in life now that he did the right thing and broke up with her, but sometimes I just wanna keep yelling at him sometimes just to make him understand that what he did with her in front of me was wrong, I wanted nothing more then anything for him to look at me with those hurtful eyes of his and apologize and I wanted him to be able to drop on his knees and cry his heart out on what he did, to let him feel that pain of him being alone i think that would have been the best thing in life, but instead I loved him to much for that and I would never want to be as low as that, but sometimes in life I will sometimes never let him live it down.


My heart still hurts, the continues pain is still there and reliving it and i will never forget how much he hurt me with her, that pain will always linger in my heart no matter how much he looks at me and says he is sorry that pain will always hold a grudge deep enough to an endless whole of disaster filling in that void, only tears are meant to draw from these eyes and only the pain from this heart can hold back my love when it needs to be held back, no matter how much i may love him that unforgivable act will never go away and no matter how much I may want it to i was never loved and never seen and that itself is why this heart wants so much to destroy her and her life, I hate her more then life itself and i wish that Heath never loved her from the start because people who live out of State are dangerous and you don't even know how they are and yet he let someone like that take a hold of his heart and life, how could he let someone like her in?

This questions still fill my heart, because he still wouldn't show me just how much he loved me because she was still there in his heart and i didn't understand why, after a break up you are never to look at that person or even talk to that person ever again or even remember they're memories you had with them or anything, except he didn't have any of those thing's because he told me he didn't because he never was with her from the start, I just wish that I could be loved as much as she was, but the only thing he claims is that it was only blind and naive love from someone he didn't know, but people don't act like it was either i mean people look at a long distant realtionship like it was meant to be................just why is this?



Idk and I wish i didn't know, these questions are the only thing putting me against a wall and driving a nail through my heart, the only thing i wish now is revenge against her and her coming into Heath's life from the start and i wish she never had she had caused nothing but trouble and caused me to feel alone, I hate her and i wish i could tell her it in person over and over again on how much i truly despise her in ever little way, I just wish i could say I hate you and i hate you and i hate you over and over again to that witch of an out of state girl, it was never a real relationship to begin with, a long distant relationship? sense when do those thing's matter to people? I mean they are probably rapist or murderers or crazies if you get what i mean? cause I mean now people all over the place are breaking up with they're long distant relationship girlfriends and boyfriends cause they realize it's not worth the effort being together with someone so far.


The only thing, I want is to always be with Heath and for these things to leave my heart even though they will always remain in my heart, I just want to be truly loved and never to become the second wheel, I want him to do the same things for me but to do a lot more for me then he did for her, I want him to look at me differently like she never mattered to him in the first place, like she never was the one even if they had still gone out awhile back ago, I want him to comment and say a lot more to me and I want him to continue holding me and kissing me and never letting go of me, and the thing I want most from him is a serious confession of being really sorry .


I do love him, i do and i always will love you Heath
just please understand my position right now of my heart, can't you see the damage that can never be fixed or repaired? even if you try to fix it the damage is all ready done no matter what you do, but if you can somehow she me that I mean more to you then she ever did that would make things a lot better in my case, because it would she me that you never had those feelings for her as much as you had for me.


I just want you to understand is all, but I do love you and i always will love you
yo te amo, my love my lobo guapo mi amor, I hope that we really will be together and married in the future, I am sorry about my feelings and everything but I can't help but to place it here where i feel it is most safe.


Yo te amo, my love