I'm really doubting my relationship with Jason.
He seems to be getting really short-tempered with me. And the way he's saying somethings really aren't that positive. I'm still not sure if I really like him or not. We've only gone on two dates, so it's not like we should be super-serious. But we talk every night on the phone ya know?
Meanwhile, there's this other guy who I heard (she said he said) that's gay. And I'm kinda attracted to him, too. But I don't wanna break it off with Jason for something I'm not sure of. This is really diffucult for me. I'm a person who feels the need to be most important, and I don't like being 2nd best. 2nd best is 1st loser.
This week will prove to be very interesting.. it's definately going to test me. I don't like how Jason is afraid of commitment. It really bugs me. I can commit myself to anything if I set my mind to it. I realise that a gay relationship may be hard to commit to, but I really don't like having all this doubt in my mind.
If I hook up with the other guy, then we'll at least goto the same school. I'll see him 6/7 days of the week, not possibly once a week like I am with Jason. I really just wanna break down and cry right now. But I'm not sad. Crying just always seems to work for me.
I need my Aislinn. She always helps me out in these situations. I'm just so confused right now. Up is down and right is wrong. I think I might.. ugh I dunno. If only I could get some sort of a sign as of what I should do.
Should I try things out with the other guy? I dno't even know if he really is gay (but I've definately gotten signals that he is), but it's worth a shot. I had no clue my two best friends were lesbians, so ya never know.
I think I'm gonna sleep on this one, make my decision after I have a talk with a few close friends. God help me on this one.
Also, if you want to comment on my journal and offer constructive advice, I honestly would appreciate it. I know you're probably just some stranger, but your advice is as good as anyones. Please keep rude comments away, I'm asking nicely.
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Euphoric Illusions
Yeah, just some pointless blurbage.
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