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Blog
Hello people im back, and the Zombie story I've been writing is probably over, I can't think of an end, so I'm going to say screw it, to those that have been reading it and wanting the end, well too bad, thats life, if you don't like it then screw off i have no time for you. I'm 21 now, and still living with my parents, ******** no I don't want to live with them, they just won't let me move out. After i graduated High School i wanted to dorm i don't know if i already said this in my past blog posts, i probably did, now my dad is wondering why i haven't moved out, and calling me a looser, and keeps saying that im thinking that "oh i don't have to move out my mom and dad will take care of me" that is NOT what i think, i want to get the ******** out more than anything in this world i can't take my dad's s**t anymore, I'm afraid that im going to do something incredibly stupid one day, and someone is going to end up dead. This is all causing me emotional and mental pain, im not a ******** emo or anything like that, sure there are others that have it way worse than me right now, but common. I'm treated like im 15 or 16 my dad thinks its okay to yell more at me cuz im 21? thats at least how i have been feeling. i don't feel that he's proud of me one bit, i just feel like im a big disappointment to him, if one thing isn't just right, im suddenly a lazy jerk who doesn't care about other people's feelings. I'm at the point now where i just don't care, ive become somewhat of a jerk to some people, i realized this yesterday. my dad's anger is rubbing off on me, so this is why i need to get out of this place, for my health. i've been having suicide visions lately, and have almost done it one day. i wish it wasn't a mortal sin, or against the law (witch i still think its weird) i'd be gone by now. I don't care who reads my s**t anymore, let them find out who i am. I also only have a learners permit, so my dad is driving with me, i can't recall the last horrible experience ive had before. he makes me not want to drive, he's getting old, so he snaps at nothing and im almost panicking at the wheel, one day i think he's going to do something while im driving and get us both killed, witch sadly is what im kinda hoping for, yes im a sick twisted piece of nothing. don't try to cheer me up after you read this, its only going to make it worse for me, i want it to be in person. I want to go out with my friends, but i can't even do that cuz im stuck at home, and my friends are either gone to a different state or just too far away to walk. I can't remember the last time i felt relaxed and happy. I dont even remember what it feels like to be happy. Me laughing isn't happy to me, it reminds myself "this laugh is only temporarily" so i can't even give a good laugh anymore, my smile is gone, and DAMN IT im listening to sad music while typing this, I guess it helps me think while typing. I honestly don't know what else to talk about. Again don't try to cheer me up through a computer, i need someone with me. hugs are good, online hugs are bad. I need a damn vacation.
goodbye guys,
sometime in the future there will be another blog
sorry about the Zombie Pleg i have no more ideas.
 Xian Taris · Thu Mar 24, 2011 @ 11:53pm · 0 Comments |
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