I've been reading past entries, just because, and I haven't ever noticed just how much I've changed. It's sort of weird, like watching a cocoon open up in high speed. All my thoughts have changed as I started making connections and figuring everything out. Life in general is not easy, because if it were, it would be all too easy just to get back out of it. Religion never had been my strong suit back in middle school. I think Ghandi's quote pretty much summed it up.
"I would be a Christian, if not for the Christians that I saw."
It didn't help that I didn't really understand any of it. There are a lot of contradictory statements that make nonbelievers (such as myself, before this year) suddenly back off and become closed, confused, and very afraid. The imagery used in Christianity is highly disconcerting, though to a Christian, it is very normal. Everything must be taken into context, and that can't be done without understanding the very basics of the Bible and understanding how everything works.
To my understanding, before I had gone to church, God was on the fringes of my universe and He did not intervene on anything that had to do with me. Why was this? Because I wasn't looking for Him. If I had been looking around me, open my eyes (another Christian-ism that used to disconcert me) to actually really look, perhaps I wouldn't have been so put off. I think, had I not read a Bible, attempted to get something out of it, actually gone to church, the whole dance and song, I might've ended up a much less happy person. With Christianity comes some sort of meaning. Things make sense, in a weird, interconnected sort of way.
Perhaps this seems like nothing more than poppycock and twaddle, but it does mean something to me, at least a little bit. And now I'm trying to figure out something else that's been eating me. Christianity has its ups, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't have its downs. It was never meant to be easy.
But if it were easy, would it be any fun?
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