Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Searching and searching for an escape to the answers of the fate that condemns me.
This fear of what's to come is murderous, shaping me and removing me from reality.
Take what's inside and analyze, lobotomize, project who i am so we can quell the silence.
I'm tired of wondering why things must carry on and why i can only stand still.

I'll resist, i'm gonna claim control over myself, my future, my actions, my fate.
This life is mine and i'm gonna make the decisions, even if they aren't the right ones.
the scalpel in my skull cuts deep, remove what's involuntary and leave only what's me.
these stitches will stand for my venture through my being and now I've discovered myself.

So desperate, so insecure, so reluctant to your words.
Such a dependent soul, weak willed and weak minded.
For something so close, i fear stability.
Ive never known what it is to be calm, what it is to be safe.

It cant continue, this fear, this pain, these tears that fall like rain.
But i'm too scared, i'm just too scared to face myself in the mirror.
These words you whisper inside me, ripping and tearing at whats wrong with me.
Hold me down for its time for reconstruction and we forgot the anesthesia.

I wanna change but i cant, transform me.
Help me fix whats broken, reform me.