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So, the first ACTUAL post is like...waaay over due, but honestly, I don't think any of ya'll really care. Anyways, what should I write about??

That seems to be the question on my mind now-a-days. I yearn to write-anything, everything- but I can't produce one usable shred of insight. Poetry, songs, stories-It really doesn't matter what it is. I can probably get a few good lines or sentences, and then...nothing. It's like my mind just kicks off.

Am I losing my creativeness? Or have I just crash landed in the middle of a crevice? Am I now supposed to work and fight my way back to the top? Is my mind making me work for my spark now? Or am I just stressing myself out?

Maybe my mind just needs a quick break. Just a breather to get everything back in order. I have been going constantly lately, what with college and scholarships and school projects. (They weren't kidding when they say that your senior year is your busiest.)Maybe I just need to slow down a little. Maybe after a break, my creativeness will come back.

But the question is, when will I be able to slow down? I don't have the resources my other freinds have. I don't have a 'guaranteed ride' through college, or any money to go towards it. All the money I have-every cent that I'll get-has to come from scholarships or grants. And I have to keep my grades up in order to be applicable for the better scholarships.

So, I can't slow down. I don't have the time anymore. The school year is going by too fast. I'm already nearly in my third nine weeks, and the grades will technically no longer count after Christmas. I just don't have the time anymore. I have to apply to everything I can, do whatever I have to-within reason of course- to insure my own ride through college.

Stressing myself out won't help me though. I have to do something to relax, if only a little bit. And writing is the only thing that really helps. So, in a way, my stress-relief has been taken away from me because of the stress. Maybe I just need to find me some other kind of hobby while I try to work out the mental 'kinks'. Although, I'm not really good at anything else.

Sports aren't my forte, and I hate the thought of being any kind of cheerleader or color guard. (Not that I would try out for any of that stuff anyways.) I can't really draw, and I'm not really into video games. I love to read, so that might be a possibilty. However, I know that as soon as I begin to delve into the world the author has created, my mind will attempt to make up it's own story or come up with alternate scenarios. And that will only remind me of my stress again.

It's offical...life is complicated. But dang it, if we don't love the game.