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I'm alone...Those are words I have told myself to many times...

I find that I can't trust anyone, only me... All the people I have ever trust have hurt me....

My parents, they have been nothing but death sentences since they have gotten a divorce. They never help me! I find myself helping them all the time, I find myself being the parent all the time and them the child.

I watch my younger brothers, pay for everything that involves the family cause my family has no money, I work all the time only to come home to a wreck insane house to get yelled at by my mom, I do more then any teenager should do...

My mom ALWAY comes to me and tells me about her life, her problems and I listen. She tells me about her problems with money, how she can't afford this or that, how she hates my father and wants him to not be in her life. But when I go to her to talk to her she never listens, she tells me I'm being selfish or childish. She TELLS me what she things its right, she TELLS me what I should do. Can't she ever listen, can't she realize I'm a person and I do have feelings! She never listens!

I work my ******** a** off, at school at work at cheerleading and I come home only to find her in an unhappy mood. And still I try to make her happy and make her day that much better, doing everything she asked of me no question. But when I need her, to comfort me, to be there for me, I'm childish, I'm being silly, I'm not worth her time...

If only she knew, how much I just want to give in, maybe she'll take my feelings seriously if I kill myself...Maybe she'll listen...

i did have some one that did listen though....

I loved him, trusted him...

He left me for another girl...

I told him all my secrets and my problems...He was the reason I didn't give up...The reason I didn't throw my life aside... I went to him when my mom did this to me....

Made me cry, made me want to give up....He was what made me strong enough to take the pain her words and actions did to me...

When he left...It took the table out from under me, only to hang from the rope my mother held....

I've been fighting, giving everything I got to keep from snapping... but I can only do so much, fake enough smiles, wipe so many tears...

I swear, I'm not insane! But I feel like I don't deserve this... I've never did anything wrong... I've never been bad, or hurt someone but I feel like god is punishing me...

Right now I hear my mother yelling, all I want is for it to stop...STOP!!!!!!!

I want to disappear into darkness, to silence....

Never to be hurt, punished again!

I want the world to go away....

But no matter how many tears I cry, how many times I wish, no matter how tight I close my eyes....

It never go away....never...