March 2nd, 2006
What do you do...when things seem to be held up by a thin thread? Do you look to others to make it better, stronger? Do you bottle it all up, throw it into some dark hole and hope that everything will work out? Do you get down on your hands and knees...and pray as you've never prayed before? Or do you suck it up, take stock, and do what you've gotta do...with a little prayer helping along the way?
Well, it's different for everyone, the choice that's made. For me...well, time will tell exactly what happened, but I like to think that I'm choosing the last option.
Now, it's drawing close to a week before I make my move down to Florida, leaving a place I considered home for 20 years of my still short life. I'll have painted practically the entire house over, earning me $500 in total, as well as having moved every single pieces of furniture in the house...twice, so that brand new carpet could be installed.
But that would be the least of what I'll have left behind. Friends I'll remember more than likely for the rest of my life, as well as my church...my sanctuary. Memories and experiences will remain with me no matter where I go, but I don't mourn this passing...but indeed embrace it. I'm moving on with my life, to greater things...things that I have worked hard to attain.
University. "Higher learning", as some call it. I've taken into account a number of things, and yet still feel myself led to the ministry, if just to understand more of what I believe. Second to that, I've divined that in order to secure myself, it would be wise of me to invest in a Buisness degree. "The Lord blesses those who bless themselves..." as my mother constantly tells me. I've yet to find the verse that supports it...but there are a number of times I didn't listen to her in the past...only to regret it.
I have a future waiting for me, and I will never find it here. The path has wound to a close, and yet has opened in a new direction. Time for me to start on the new path. It'll be a couple months in my cousin's place, and then the plan is to move onto the campus for the Summer session. Where things go from them...well, after that I haven't done much "soul searching", as that simply seems too far in the future to try and predict what'll happen.
I have other plans, ideas...dreams, that I wish to see fulfilled, but...I cannot push the one I want all of them to happen with. She's more precious to me...than any other in this world. I feel I am the same...to her.
Ever since we've started our new relationship, the experience within me has cautioned me, warned me that I should be careful and slow with my decisions. Not because she gives true cause...but simply because...I've been too deeply wounded in the past. The odd and interesting part is, despite my past and all my experience...I trust her more than I trust anyone else. I'm believing that this is real, and that everything will be okay...if not great.
I haven't heard from her in a matter of...4 days? Yet every message I've sent her, she's read, which grants me some comfort. Full comfort will only come...when she finally writes back. I don't worry so much, because I know she's extremely busy with her work, which is as I understand only supposed to become worse due to a transition. I've been patient for so long to this point...I will not break any time soon...because she means too much to me
So...what do you do...when everything seems to held by a thin thread? I say...hold on. Don't let go. Keep fighting even beyond the will of your own body. As long as you do...that thread will hold just as strong...as you. 3nodding
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