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ohhh sleep where art thou |
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to be honest I really don't have much to say... I've been trying to sleep and cant seem to bring myself to the "point of no return." So, having no particular thought in mind for this entry...
well, a few days ago my dad was watching tv while I was trying to sleep. While listening to the show I over heard one of the female characters of the show talking. Apparently someone was trying to hook her up with someone, and her blind date was the type of guy who cooks, cleans, and who would want nothing more than to stay at home while the woman works and takes care of him. the woman made a quote along the lines of "I know women who are less submissive" and this got me thinking (which is bad when your trying to sleep)
I'm not the most cleanly person in the world, and I've never tried to cook anything, and the thought of my girlfriend/wife taking care of me bothers me to no end... but I do consider myself a submissive person. I am a loner, and being a loner implies that I can take care of myself. I take pride in being able to take care of myself.
On the flip side, I've grown up being the "peace keeper" of the family. when my brothers were fighting, I would step in and stop it before it got violent. when my parents are angry with each other, I'm the one they rant to. and growing up in this role makes me sensitive to turmoil around me. if two people are arguing, even if I'm not involved, I get a sick feeling and my mind starts racing as to what I can do to stop them from arguing. I mention this because it also follows that I will naturally do anything possible to prevent an argument. If someone at work asks me to do something, I'll do it... even if it isn't my job... and even if I'm busy with my own work... because the person will appreciate it. when my ex would ask something of me, like a ride somewhere, some money, a backrub, etc. I would do it... because she would appreciate it, and because a content person is less likely to get angry or upset.
I'm going to go a little off track, but this is why I cant stand this one guy at work... it's because he is always angry. It dosn't matter what you say, or how much you try to help him at work. he scowles permanently... he rolles his eyes multipe times a day... he flips out over nothing constantly... and after working with him for 2 years now, I've resigned myself to the fact that he is always toing to instigate others, he is always going to be mad and upset, and I can't stand it. he creates tention wherever he goes, and that very tention makes me misserable.
anyways, so back to the show I mentioned earlier. the woman was looking down at the guy because he wanted to play the role of the housewife in the relationship... and even though I'm not the type to want that role in a relationship, her use of the word "submissive" to describe him got me to think about myself. What kind of woman would want a guy like me... a guy who is so willing to cater to the whims of the people around him in a desperate attempt to avoid any kind of emotional tention. And would I want to be with a woman who likes that kind of guy. this aspect of myself makes me easy to take advantage of... and I'm scared to death of getting into a relationship with someone who enjoys being able to take advantage of me...
 Oren Soloman · Tue Aug 24, 2010 @ 08:47am · 0 Comments |
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