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Well... its the wee hours of the start of a new day. I woke up not to long ago. The cordless phone was making a loud fast beeping noise. Which means... I have lost signal with Jay.
Yeah.. I go to sleep on the phone with Jay every night. Lol, as silly as that may sound to you. Its my way in helping me cope with the long distance.
Since Jay's passport is still in "process". I dont get how it could still be in process.. I mean.. when I applied for my passort, I got mine in less than a week. Oh well.. that doesn't matter. Ive decided that Im not going to wait any longer. Im going to go visit Jay again. August 6th-15th.
Im not going to let paper work stop me from seeing my love. Ive been saving for a couple months. I can afford my ticket. And with help of my mother agian.. She'll help me out with my dialysis treatments. Atleast for one of them. Im hoping to get my reinbursment from my last trip gets here before my trip.
Wow. Its been over 10 months. I still cant believe its gone by so fast.

He still loves me. -smiles-

I still cant imagine why he would, to be honest. I was a total train wreck when we first started talking. I was hiding behind a mask.. a mask only he seem to see. Nobody else noticed it.
I remember the first time he said he loved me... I was shocked. I didnt know how to respond to that.. I just said, "What?" Lol.. ofcourse he said, nothing.
I was afraid to talk to him after that.. but I couldnt keep myself away, I needed to be around him. I needed to feel... alive. So.. everytime I wanted to tell him "I Love you" I would say "Waffles and Pancakes". Only he and I knew the true meaning.. Untill the day I was ready to tell him I love you. Oh my gosh.. I was so nervous when I first said it to him.
Cause.. I truly meant it. With everything that I am. I still do.
And there isnt a single soul that could make me feel otherwise. Jay is my knight in shinning armour. He saved my life when nobody else did. I mean.. How the hell can you not fall inlove with your superman? Lol.


I know there's alot of people that dont like him on here [Gaia], But thats okay. It doesnt matter if you dont approve. We dont want or need your approval. We are happy. That's all that matters.

And that's all Im going to say to "the haters" that read/stalk my journal.


My health.. To be honest, Its less that good. Just under it. Ive been feeling so drained. With work and trying to apply for school. Its hard enough for a 100% healthy person. But for me.. I think Ive been trying so hard to get my future straight. I really hope I get accepted to the u of w. If I do, I can FINALLY quit my job.. or atleast only work Saturdays. Haha.

Alas.. Im back on the kidney waiting list. My friend Kiera.. whom said she would give me hers.. Turns out she has cancer. Which isnt good for either of us. But she is a trooper. The blood work that they did to see if she was a match for me, Caught the cancer in time before it started to develope into something really serious. Even though she cant donate me her kidney.. Im glad she did the blood work. Cause of two reasons.
1. She showed me that she cared enough to try help.
2. She stopped something terrible that was about to happen to her.

I effin love her.



Well its getting late.. And I should go back to bed.

OH!! P.S.
I'll be making a thread with a couple friends soon.. Not going to say what just yet. But keep your eyes open. :]

Later<3


I LOVE YOU JAY <3 ALWAYS AND FOREVERRR.