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I think I may have figured out a major source of my issue... I don't really have any friends right now. I mean, I have people I talk to from time to time, but most of them I talk to online. Even the ones I know in real life I just talk to online. And I really don't go out and do anything with them. I had one person I was kinda hanging out with, but she and I are going through sort of a rough spell right now, and honestly... we've never really had much in common, so I'm not sure if we'll come out of this still friends or not. We just never had a very strong base to build from.
Anyway, I think the lack of socialization and the fact that I really don't have any close friends anymore is what's leaving me so messed up lately. I guess I don't feel completely alone. I mean, I have a really wonderful boyfriend, and again I do have people I talk to, but ... well I just wish I had a best friend, or at least a really good friend or two... or well, heck even just a friend who wanted to hang out with me all the time and who I had a fair bit in common with would do. I just really want to get to know someone on a deeper level than what I have going on with any of my friends right now. I want to feel like I know someone, and they know me. And I want someone whom I'm comfortable being around on a regular basis, and who wants to be around me too. Someone I can talk to. Maybe not about everything, but at least about a lot of things. This is something I haven't had in a while now.... and it really just isn't working.
Now the problem is, finding that kind of friend, or building a stronger relationship with someone I already know. But who? And where do I begin? Do I just pick one at random and ask if they wanna hang out? It seems sorta awkward considering many of them I've really never done anything in person with, or it has been years since we did, or else it was something like a class or a club meeting, etc. ... God, that's kinda sad/pathetic =/
Socially, I'm really screwed up right now. I have to get this mess straightened out!
Well, at least there's one good thing, I have something I'm going to tomorrow. It's a party of sorts, and while I don't know how many people I'll actually know there... it's a good start. Maybe I can build more on the relationship I have with the hostess, or maybe I can meet someone new there. I'm hopeful anyway.
~ MB
 Morrighan-Brann · Sat May 22, 2010 @ 06:25am · 0 Comments |
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Donations much appreciated! heart A special thanks to Assstronaut, aTTypical & mizuki uchiha! heart