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My Paper on "Unconventional Parenting Styles" |
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The three parenting styles featured in this paper are Love and Logic, Attachment Parenting and Unconditional Parenting. Attachment parenting is a naturalistic way of parenting. This is a parenting style that focuses on bonding with your child on many different levels. They throw conventional views out the window and do things their way. They are Homeschooling, baby wearing, granola eating, and co-sleeping parents. They are raising self confident, well bonded children.”Yeah we co-sleep, breast feed and only eat organic. It’s about being in touch with the land” is something you might hear out of an Attachment Parenting mom’s mouth. Love and Logic parents are all about an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Show them that you love them then tell them they can’t have the car tonight because they returned it a mess and without gas. “I love you, you are my beautiful baby boy, but you cannot use the credit card after charging over the limits we set for you” is something you are likely to hear out of a Love and Logic parent’s mouth. Unconditional Parenting is about love and compassion. Instead of using the word “no” they use problem solving skills and try to empathize with their child. Spanking is a no-no as well, for they believe that violence is not the answer. “Teach a child how to be instead of how to act” is most likely something you will hear out of an Unconditional Parenting father’s mouth. Over all these parenting styles aren’t terribly different, but they have their own significant ways of raising a child. Some parents show qualities from each, but ultimately by into only one of them.
Parenting, we’ve been doing it for thousands of years. There are tons of ways to do it. The three mainstreamed ways to parent are Authoritative, Authoritarian, and Permissive, but those are so vanilla. We’re in the year 2010 for crying out loud why should we parent like every one else? With all these different and wonderful other ways to parent our children, why not explore them and see which one might fit how you’d like to parent your children. You never know you might like Unconditional Parenting or The Love and Logic way of parenting. It is the 21st centry for cry out loud, doing new things is what this centry is all about, and honestly why be vanilla when you can be crunchy? Attachment Parenting, what is this strange animal I am speaking of? Well it basically consists of co-sleeping, co-bathing, baby wearing, organic eating, breast feeding, home schools or un-schooling, anti-circumcision, natural health, stay at home parenting, home birth, natural child birth, and naturalism. Co-sleeping is when you share a bed with you child. Some parents choose to buy a Moses basket and place it between the two of them, but most just sleep with the child in between the two of them and two pillows. Co-bathing is kind of like co-sleeping just with a bathtub and water, no pillows required. As for discipline they believe in a gentler approach to things. They don’t believe in spanking or hitting of any sort. To quote Dr. Sears, “Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting. Not control a child. Attachment parents become like gardeners: you can't control the color of the flower or the time of the year it blooms, but you can pick the weeds and prune the plant so that the flower blooms more beautifully. That's shaping. Attachment parents become master behavior-shapers.” (Sears 2006) They use things like prevention and distraction in stead of yelling and spanking. To help with this sort of parenting style this also home school or un-school their children. Un-school is pretty much like home schooling is basically learning through play and social things instead of work and school like things. Some parents have found success with this style of schooling rather than just home schooling. This parenting style is about bonding and being close with your child.
Love and Logic, this is the parenting style I practice. It’s all about treating your child like an equal. You don’t get spanked in the work place for doing something wrong so why would you spank your child for doing something wrong. They believe in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. The punishment should fit whatever they did wrong. Reason with your child, punish them reasonably. You don’t punish a child who recived a D on an English paper by taking away their drivin privilages. You make them study or write and essay twice a week til their grade comes up. If they stay out late on Friday night they cannot stay out late Saturday night. If they do not finish their dinner they don’t get dessert, it’s about the logical thing to do. If they are very little and get into trouble they get put in time out. Most parents are afraid to discipline their children; they think that they will appear mean and controlling. We believe that this is far from the truth. If we raised our children like that they will just turn out unruly and out of control. Children need rules and guidelines. They need to be held accountable for their actions. Before we discipline our children we should “lock in our empathy, love, and understanding.” (Fay, 1999)Then tell them that because they got an F on their algebra paper they now have to study for everyday after school until they bring up that grade. Doing so this way shows that the parents aren’t horrible they bad decisions they made are. By doing this kids will think to themselves “What pain am I going to put myself though if I make this decisions,” instead of “What pain will my parent put me through if I make this decision.” What parent doesn’t want that? This parenting style is about treating your child like a human being. Unconditional Parenting, is about being an emotional care giver to your child and not a harsh disciplinarian. Love, understanding and compassion are the three main keys to Unconditional Parenting. Some people confuse it with permissive parenting or even Attachment Parenting, but it is not. “It is about re-framing our view of our children's behavior, healing our own past wounds and allowing the free expression of feelings as we parent with empathy and compassion.” (Teaching though love, 2005) People that choose this parenting style believe that they chose this parenting style because of their own family background and wanting to have a different up bringing than the one they had. They want to teach their children ways of showing communications without being violent, being respectful and most of all to be a loving individual. These parents do not use the word “no”, instead they try problem solving and try to empathize with their child in order to maintain order. They usually set up a guideline that the whole family follows. How everyone should treat each other and how chores should be handled. It’s about creating a harmonious balance instead of chaos. This parenting style is about creating boundaries without being stict and without using harsh punishments.
These parenting styles all have one common goal, using empathy. Empathy is a very useful thing in the real world. The dictionary definition of empathy is “The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.” (Merriam- Webster’s 2010) It is a tool one can use in the work place, in family life or in general conversation. Being able to put yourself in someone else shoes can also be a draw back, but in general it helps. You want your child to be able to see things your way and vise versa. It helps when trying to build a relationship, especially one that will last even though the teenage years.
Love and Logic parents believe in letting your child know you love them before you let them know that they are in trouble. It’s about instilling empathy and love while still setting up boundaries. They believe in and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. The punishment should fit the crime. You couldn’t punish a child that stayed out late by making them study for a week. You would tell them they can’t go out the next night, assuming it’s the first offence. Attachment Parenting is a more natural way of parenting. They co-sleep, breastfeed, home school and buy organic foods to name a few things. They believe in a gentler way of parenting. They shape their children’s behavior through structure and rules instead of spanking and harsh punishment. Unconventional Parenting parents are all about not being like their parents were. They are all about promoting a non-violent, loving and harmonious home. They also buy into raising their children with empathy and compassion. These parents set up guidelines and chores list for the whole family to fallow instead of strict rules and unfair ways to go about the daily chores. All of these center around empathy. They believe that by raising a child this way you are raising more well adjusted and more in touch with their feelings, child.
empathy. (2010). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.Retrieved February 21, 2010, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy
Sears, B. (2006). What Attachment parenting is not. Retrieved from http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130400.asp
J, Fay. (1999). What is Parenting with love and logic?. Retrieved from http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/whatis.html
What is conscious, uncondisional parenting?. (2005). Retrieved from http://www.teach-through-love.com/unconditional-parenting.html
HelloCherryChick · Mon Mar 08, 2010 @ 09:52pm · 0 Comments |
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