What is the worst sound ever? It's not children screaming their head off for some candy, although I might put that at the top of my 'most annoying sounds ever.' It's not a rake on the sidewalk or fingernails down a chalkboard, even though those do have a physical effect on me - causing me to shiver and then possibly even cause me to lash out and grab the perpetrators arm.
The worst sound ever happens to top the 'scariest sound ever' list as well. I've only heard it once in my whole life but I don't ever want to hear it again and just thinking about it knots my stomach, raises the hair on my arms and causes me to shiver. And this sound came from me.
It's the sound of my scream at my most terrifying moment. It's the sound I made when I was - unknowingly - trippin' and had somehow run through the script of what will happen when I die. I don't believe the initial cause (a heart attack from realizing I'd won a large amount of money from the lottery) will hold true, but for a month or two following the incident, I was scared to touch lottery tickets, despite the fact that I didn't ever play the lotto anyway.
My heart raced. I jumped up and down excitedly knowing I'd 'won the lotto.' Then I was hit with the feeling that I was dead. I sank into what was both confusion and sadness. Then images of main events in my mind went by. I think I only saw the series of events once, but I realized they would continue to cycle. Forever. I felt my face curl up into a more stern look of confusion. My eyes widened as I then felt a huge wave of terror crash into me. I felt heavy. It took less than a second for tears to build up in my eyes and reach down to my chin. I clenched my fists and raised them to my sides, as if to prepare myself for some sort of physical compact even though I knew there was nothing to block. I let out a scream. I felt the volume vibrate my chest and burn my throat. It was short. It was followed by 3 or 4 similar screams before the family around me could grab me and try to shake me out of it.
I'm crying remembering it now. I went through four extreme emotions in the span of probably 2 seconds; Ecstatic, sadness, confusion, and 'sh*t myself' terrified. I didn't sh*t myself, but maybe my bowels were empty because it could be justified in this situation. The sound is only faint in my memory, but I can picture what I looked like to the people surrounding me at the time and I see how wide my eyes were, the expression on my face that could never be recreated.
I saw what it would be like once I die. I hope to not get there anytime soon. Not because I'm afraid to die, but because I'm afraid of what I'll be faced with once I cross that line.
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