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We're Running To The Edge Of The World |
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Remember when I took you
Up to the top of the hill?
We had our knives drawn.
They were as sharp
As we were in love.
If god crossed us
We'd take all his drugs,
Burn his money
And his house down,
And wait for the fire to spread.
But sometimes hate is not enough
To turn this all to ashes.
Together as one
Against all others
Break all of our wings to
Make sure it crashes
We're running to the
Edge of the world
Running, running away
We're running to the edge of the world
I don't know if the world will end today
I had no choice,
I erased the debt of our family,
Let you say goodbye
With lips like dynamite.
And everyone
Turned their backs
Because they knew
When we held on tight
To each other,
We were something fatal,
That fell into the wrong hands.
No matter what there's always a Manson song that expresses my feelings. This song, from his new album, is that perfect reflection. It's all becoming one beautiful distaster. Everything goes to Hell and this time, I sit and watch it. Watch it burn before me like a glorious masterpiece caught in a massacre. I could cry, I could cut but there's the glory of watching it all go to waste that seems...beautiful. Strange.
I hate my job and still I smile? Strange too. and with Trey, I'm in a rut where there seems no way out. But there's beauty to be had. That I haven't seen. And it isn't it appreciating the beauty of your most brilliant downfalls giving yourself the ability to truly appreciate when you're at your peak?
It all comes downhill so gracefully. I watched an adult film today and irregardless of its true intention, it brought a strange feeling in me.
It's one of those plot adult films if you will call it that. It's about an angel who turns her back on the human she's supposed to protect and the human dies in an elevator accident so the angel is stripped of her wings and goes down a dark path in her life. She meets and falls in love with a human and their paths interwine into this mystical twisting love story.
One of the lines she utters during this scene where she's in a strange "club" of "shenanigans" (use your imagination, you know what I'm talking about. I'm diverting the fact that it's a porno away from your attention.) made me think.
"In some way I wanted to feel love. By touching, feeling, sex, it gave me a sense of love. I would feel love."
I used to feel the same way. Up until two or three months ago, I used sex as a means of love. To combat that love I had lost with Matt. Until I found Trey much the same way the girl in the movie finds the human.
And I hadn't realized this until just today. Maybe it's a sign of something beautiful coming out of something that seems so pitiful and laid to waste. I asked Trey out on a whim, a chance, because I'd always liked him and we were both single. Just the right moment.
It wasn't just luck. It was fate.
And my job? I didn't just get it out of the thousand other applications I submitted out of luck. It's fate too.
Believe what you will but fate has led me to my path and to the destiny within. The little signs I see are fate's way of telling me what I'm meant to do.
And I know fate has called me to help others. It isn't just about me. Spencer was fate's way of showing me other people need help. Now I can't be there for every single person in the world who needs salvation from their suffering. But there's a way I can offer help.
twloha.com
For anyone who finds themselves in a rut where you feel you know no help this is a beautiful non profit organization. TWLOHA stands for to Write Love On Her Arms and it's inspired by a group that helped a woman named Renee through suicide and depression. They seek to help others through the same problem however they can. And they've inspired me a lot, they are simply wonderful people.
There. That's a start. And it's a good one. But if there's one thing I truly want to start with.
By telling anyone who feels hopeless and depressed simply this.
You're not alone no matter what happens. You are loved by somebody in this world. I love you. Even if you're a complete stranger, I love you. It's not the end of the world. It never is. It's true happiness can't last forever but sorrow doesn't either. Pain is not everlasting and you're strong enough to fight through it. I believe in you. If I could take your pain away, I would but I can't. But I can give the love and the strength you need to move through it. You don't have to wound yourself and end your own life. Because someone cares. I care.
I got inspired by this journal entry TWLOHA posted. http://www.twloha.com/blog/you-are-going-to-move/
I am touched by whoever wrote that.
So there we are, my friends. I think I've done something right for a change. I want to help people, even if other people think I can't help myself. Other people have worse lives than me or you and no matter what they are not to be judged. I wonder sometimes why we can't all love each other (feel free to call me a hippie for that statement, I could care less) but this world isn't perfect. I'm not perfect, and nothing is because to strive for perfection is illusion.
But I'll preferably keep it that way, because we as a society are beautiful without the need for perfection because we all strive to improve and that's what brings us together.
Wow, I feel better already. And all that came off the top of my head in random spurs of thought.
Righteous.
 Kyoka Yukia Daraku · Sun Sep 20, 2009 @ 08:25am · 0 Comments |
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