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It began a while back. I joined a club on Crunchy Roll and I was roleplaying, while others did one liners barely actually roleplaying, I decided to go all out. One other person was doing the same as me. I then dragged my best online friend into the club so the three of us roleplayed together for a few days before we both added him as our friends.
After that we roleplayed seperatly through our Guestbooks. This went on for a long while up until Recently we only spoke to each other in character. Until one conversation completly changed that.
It started simply us talking about our younger siblings, then progressed further into our lives and we started talking like we've been best friends for years, we laughed about how much we had in common.
It was then I realized it... My friend would jokingly tell me that I liked him so many times, like during the time his laptop broke I would continously talk about the fact he wasn't online to her. That night when we opened up to each other I realized. I did like him, or at least I believed that I liked him.
I was afraid... After hearing what he told me, that what he wanted was someone to love him, just so that he knew it was possible... The thought of it made me feel like crying. Because I was afraid... What if I confessed then later realized I was mistaken that I didn't like him in that way. I was terrified that I could hurt him like that so I swore to myself I wouldn't tell him. Of course it doesn't help that I hate long distance relationships so it was a no-go from the start.
We spoke a lot about ourselves through PMs, then I waited... And Waited... And Waited... Waited...
I waited a whole week, the next PM did not come. And with that I awoke the next day and his entire account was Gone.
My first thought was. "No Way." Then I started to take it in and tears began to flow. He was gone. I looked for Comments, all of them were erased all I had left were the PMs he sent me. Once more I thought "No Way."
That site where he vanished from, that was the only place I could talk to him. He never gave me any other way to reach him. So when his account was deleted it was as if I had lost him forever.
I was down all day I had three spells of crying. My close friends said "Sorry" my brother's Girl Friend gave me the "No guy is worth any girl's tears" speach. But it's not just that...
I keep wanting to PM him saying, "My friend's account was deleted! I can't speak to them anymore!!" But... He's the friend I can't reach, he's the only person I want to read say "I'm Sorry." I just want to get that from him...
One friend lighted hope in me... Hope I had lost almost immediatly. "Sometimes Accouts are deleted by accident during updates... I'm sure he'll make a new one and tell you." That gave me hope, the only hope I have left of hearing from him.
Never before have I felt so Alone then I do now... Without him... I feel so Alone... Nothing anyone tells me helps, Last year I panicked before my exams, this year coming up to my English Re-sits I was worried... He encouraged me. Told me I'd do just fine... All my fear and worry melted instantly and any time I felt worried, those words saw me through. Even though my Teacher and my friends said similar things... Only his words made a difference.
Only his words.
 Alisu_in_WonderLand · Sun Jun 21, 2009 @ 04:14am · 1 Comments |
