so heres how it goes, my life finally on track has been almost completly derailed. The boy who made my world go round broke up with me. I admit yes it was my ******** fault, but i didn't think i'd messed up that badly, i'd forgiven him of everything, but he couldn't forgive me. It hurt, alot, for someone to say that they care so much for you but yet they give up so eaisly. He told me i could call him a coward, bu ti couldn;t at that time, now here we are something like 3 weeks later and he hasn't talked to me or aknowledge my exictence sence he said i am not that special and i am sorry to me on MSN. and we ******** work together, i feel like my heart has been ripped out and spit on. I am trying so hard to hold myself together, but soemtimes, i lose most control and fall into a small hole, where memories haunt me, and tourte me. and i see him at work smiling and having a good time, well i am over here trying to do the same thing but slowly dieing, i wear a mask of happy thoughts, they help and for the most part i can be happy, but every now and then it cracks, and i slowly fall apart. Wish he would look at me, like before there was us, friendly, i want my aquintence back. I know i messed up but do i really deserve to be treated this way? yeah i am smilng but i feel like i am slowly dying. happy toughts can only get you so far, but to see a coldness in someones eyes like that is enough to burn your very soul....
i did however learn a lesson from this experience, no matter how much it hurts in the end soemthing good has come ou tof it, i've re-aquented myself with an old friend. And i've learned to let go of my hate, hopefully someday i will be able to re-aquiented myself with cris, but for now i'll just have to keep living day by day and cherish the memories, and keep my friends close
View User's Journal
....
 |
