|
|
|
Well well well, lookie here! Its amazing how time flies when your busy balancing school, driver training, friendships and job hunting all at once with trying to also have some time for yourself. I'm so amazed, because already it's December, and so much has happened in just these last few months since my first ever post. I know I sound all theatrecal and whatnot, but for me, its just a bit shocking and sometimes dampening to the spirit. Today wasn't my best day, came home early due to not feeling so well. Pretty much laid around all day between bathroom runs xp . But anyway, ITs amazing what things happen.
An example of change in the last fews days to the last few months is how many of my friends have found people for themselves. My good friends Bree has now been going out for two weeks and one day. My other two goods friends *pokes these said two cause they know who they are and are most likely watching or will at some point^^* have been going out for over two months now. Can't forget the other two who have been at each other for over the last year, and still act they are still on their first week^^ Go them!. Another friend got convinced (thank the goddesses) to ask his crush out today, and I'm prety sure a certain two that I see at lunch are gettings pretty close too^^ Yes, many people, and I only name one^^ (thats kinda cause she'd never find this site anyway so I'm safe to post her here^^) but lookin at how much everyone is hooking up, its makes me feel... Almost like I'm falling behind. Its not that I want someone just because everyone else has someone, but it does make you wonder when to actually start taking that kind of interest. It also makes me wonder if any of the feelings I've ever had for people where just me feeling something special startings, or if they were just my imagination. Yes yes, I sound so hopelesss and all about myself right now. I try so hard to focus on other people, and not myself. It's helpful sometimes to hide from yourself I guess, and just to focus on the people around you and flow with them. But lately, I've been feeling...separate, not like I'm cut off, but I just feel so much smaller, and I feel almost closed in sometimes by the world and what's expected of me. I also just feel less and less motivated. Not just for school or work or my own achievements, but just for life in general. Life seems to get more and mroe dry as you get older, and while most people seem to like their freedom, I don't see it as a freedom so much as a training of how to sit, drop and roll over for the world. I guess, when I do actually look at who I am, I'm just not as happy as I should be, which is something I really do need to work on. I focus on others so I don't have to see myself, and that in itself, needs to stop. Online revelations, lol, so intense, for me anyway.
But enough about my depression and my views of the world. I'm happy for everyone I know, for how well they can live their lives and learn in their own ways. I've got some catching up to do, so maybe I'll start right now, with just a little roleplaying with a friend to start things back up again. And I ahve that game i enver finished, ohh grrr, gotta get on that sometime, deary me i need a job, gotta go!!
3nodding Bye bye, love ya all!!
Yami_Shadow_Beholder · Sat Dec 03, 2005 @ 12:47am · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|