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My Smile is Just as Fake

I smile alot. : )
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Lashing out tempers, hurtful words, ignoring.
Inside I grin.
Inside I like their pain.
Inside I hate myself.
Inside I cry.
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I smile again.
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Forgivness.
It was an off day.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
(Yes I did)
I didn't even realize I was doing it.
(Yes... I did)
I'm sorry.
(No, i'm not.)
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Anguish.
I'm so horrible.
I hate myself.
Why do I do that?
Why can't I stop.
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Vindictive.
Sadistic.
Hurtful.
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What's wrong with me?
Inside I fall to my knees.
Inside I cry.
Inside I scream.
Inside i'm slowly breaking.
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I smile again.
Nothings wrong.
Does it look like somethings wrong?
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Oh no.
They can see.
They can tell.
Don't look at me.
Don't understand.
Ignore it.
Don't see me.
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I'm not trying hard enough.
I'm failing at hiding.
What do I do?
How can I stop them?
Don't look. Don't see. Don't understand. Don't be bothered.
Leave me alone!
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I smile bigger.
My smile is breaking.
I need glue. I need to fix it. Just for display.
Try to make it look sincere.
Try to make it look real.
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Don't cry. You couldn't.
That would ------
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It's breaking.
Try harder.
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I smile again.
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Good... turn away.
I couldn't stand it if you knew.
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Just accept it.
Just turn away.
Just ignore it.
I'll be fine.
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Inside I break.
Inside I cry.
It just won't stop.
I don't understand.
I'm okay aren't I?
There's something wrong with me.
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I smile again.
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But my smiles are just as fake.

: )