Current Mood;; happy, and hungry.
Listening to;; "What is Love?" by Haddaway (laugh and you die, biotch.)
Eating;; Nothin'
Drinking;; ...I want something, but I don't know what.
Thinking about;; How much my FMA OC fails, and about my loved one. (Not as in, friends, but, y'know, love love. >>; )
Favorite saying right now;; "I'm a dreamer, but that's just how I am."
Doing;; Trying to resist the urge to rewatch the burning of the Going Merry.. ::cries every time::
Should be;; ...Going to sleep. o 3o;
I'm posting in here pretty often. o Ao;
And I'm actually on alot more than I thought I'd be, which is a bit of a relief.
But, today, I had a huge wave of homesickness, for some reason. I don't really know for sure what sparked it; it was probably the email from Jordan and how she met my friend Jamie at school, and, ugh.. that just cinched it for me. I miss them all so much, and I'm hearing about how they're all growing apart, and how they're all meeting each other.. it's weird. I can't.. I'm kind of sad. It feels almost as if they'll wind up moving on without me and I won't be able to do anything about it. I mean, someone was telling me earlier, that I'll be in their hearts and vice versa no matter what, because you just can't forget people so easily.
I tend to disagree. |:
There are probably alot of people who will forget me.
I mean, I know there are alot who won't (Lauren, Jessi, Kasey, Jordan, Mai, ect.) but there are alot who will. (Daphne, Robbie, Charlie, ect.) and it's painful to think about, to be honest, and as I said to Alex, "Thinking about all you guys really hurts. Like, my heart hurts alot right now."
And, it's true. I don't want you guys to miss me. I'll be back for vacation. I don't want you guys to think of me- I want you all to do well in school. When you have freetime, yeah, email/text/pm/comment/IM me, bish. D:<
But, otherwise, school comes first, along with family and friends that you can have now. You don't need to be worrying about me. I don't want to have to worry about you all.
So... yeah. |:
But, what he said was so sweet.
I didn't agree with all of it, but.. gawd, I hate him sometimes. What he said, while it was true, just made me cry harder. It's not fair. It's just so unfair. I listened to him talking about this guy he really, really liked, and then all these girls he had crushes on.. and then, he turns around and calls me his "wife" and says we have such lovely "children", and that he "loves" me.
Do you know what he said today?
"In short... we're all here for you. Even if you don't think so. And I love you with all my heart, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy and to be successful. And, I can't do more than promise that I'll always listen if you need me."
I was like, Well.. s**t. What am I supposed to say to that?
...
I don't know. I feel like a sap. And I really do NOT know what the hell I'm supposed to think. .__.
Is this honestly normal for someone my age? I doubt it. I'm supposed to be all happy and bouncy and cheerful and s**t.
Not ******** up because I love someone I hardly even know.
That's just.. so unfair, it's not even funny. Seriously.
I want to tell him- yet, I couldn't tell him if you gave me everything I had ever wanted.
I just.. I don't even KNOW.
All I know is that I've resolved not to tell him. He knows I LIKE him, but.. this is totally different. And, I dont' think he gets it. I mean, saying things like, "Sleep well. Love you."
What the hell do you want me to think!?
...
::sigh::
I don't know.
It just infuriates me.
And, it makes me really happy at the same time.
It's.. complicated.
All I know is, if this is love, I'd rather it never bothered me again. Because I really don't need the distraction, and I really, really don't need the pain.
--starlightdreams
o y a s u m i n a s a i , h i m e - s a m a .
View User's Journal
[ :: T w i s t e d - k i n d . o f - W o n d e r l a n d :: ]
I tend to rant in here, and post my stories, poems or drabbles. Feel free to look through here- if you can handle the crack writing.
 |
starlightdreams
Community Member |
Help, plz?
Am I unfamiliar?
I was kirakira_mitsuki before being hacked.
User Comments: [1] [add]
User Comments: [1] [add]
Community Member
School... comes... first. .____.
I just can't see school as that important. Dx My brain's not set up that way. Meh friends are much, much more important to me. *Pokes chu* Okay? You hear that? D8<
Pshhaww. I suck at worrying. So the no-worrying on either side is good for me. biggrin
(And stressing... and being excited. 8 | I epic fail at all three.)
WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU.
---> BELIEVE IT <---
*Couldn't resist saying that.*
And you don't always have to be 'happy and bouncy and cheerful and s**t.' Ari. NOBODY is like that, to begin with. It's not physically possible, I think. It's probably what happens when you take drugs- your brain compensates for the high, and you end up back where you started. No one can be happy all the time.
And it's called being a TEENAGER, d*mmit. Blame it on hormones. twisted
.... The guy you like's just... strange. I'll leave it at that.
Always here for my Neechan~.