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Right now, I could just splurt off a bunch of really stupid words to try to describe how I feel, but it's kind of like trying to bungee-jump off a desk. It's worthless.

Don't go calling me emo, either. I don't like that term, first of all, and second of all, I don't cry. Crying is for those who care, and for sissies. I am not a sissy, and I don't freaking care about much of anything anymore.

I think I'm just a generally undesirable person. I've specifically shaped my personality so that way I don't have to inhibit myself or anyone else, and people hate me for whatever reason. I waste my time posting in the forums because no one responds to what I say. I might as well be bumping. Or, not posting.

Someone told me my avatar was boring. Ha. When you design your avatar, you make it the way you want it to be, right? That's what I thought. But someone telling me that it's underdone is simply incomprehensible. "Does not compute." I experience system failure when being told that. My avatar is the way I want it, almost. I want to dress her up like a miko, but I don't have the gold to. So I decided to post in the forums and talk to people so that way I could dress my avi up like a miko. But of course, I'm posting for nothing because everyone looks over me. What do I have to do, make it look absolutely outlandish for people to like it? That's not my personality. I try to respect others for who they are, and I get dealt the short hand.

This isn't the first thing. People drop me all of a sudden and never talk to me again, despite my efforts to stay in contact with them. My fiance dropped me after a 20-day engagement for no apparent reason, and I actually opened up to him and showed him I loved him. If people dislike me, fine, but don't try to get me to change who I am to fit in. I'd much rather be dead.

[Edit.]

Oh, I forgot to ask this one: Or, do I have to be a jibbering idiot who can't even spell the word "you"? Do I have to be an extremely sexual person to get people to tolerate me? I had a bad experience with one of those. He opened his pants any time he was alone with a girl for any reason. *Shudders.*

If I can't be who I am, I'd rather be dead.